A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A member of my immediate family is gay. None of us have a problem with this, however his behaviour over the last 16 years is causing me to question whether he is a possible sex addict.He has never had a meaningful relationship in his life. He has no friends, no hobbies and no interests other than sex. He meets men for casual sex and goes to gay cruising areas. He has lost 2 jobs because (I think) he is pre-occupied with sex. For example he has taken pornographic photos of himself at work. His last job allowed him access to public records and he used this to access personal information on men he had met. He was dismissed as it is classed as gross misconduct. I found pornogrpahic material at the home that he shares with family and I also found a collection of over 300 pornographic dvds. He has a number of mobile phones, SIM cards and a laptop he thinks no-one knows about.I have tried to speak to him many times over the last 16 years about the dangers of meeting strangers over the internet for sex but he has chosen to ignore this advice. now I realise I have to leave him to get on with his life the way he chooses However I feel he has a problem with sex addiction and would appreciate advice on how to get him help although I know he has to want to get help.
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (27 September 2011):
The average straight man would happily have wild, anonymous/polygamous/group/oral/whatever sex with a huge proportion of the women he meets or just sees in daily life, but women aren't wired that way so he can't. Unless, of course, the man's a rock star or current Hollywood heartthrob/hunk. Gay men, however, mirror one anothers' desires. As a result the average gay man has more sexual encounters than the average straight man simply because he can, and he doesn't even have to take prospective partners to the opera or whatever in hopes of getting lucky. Your relative isn't a sex addict per se, just a gay guy doing what comes naturally for an appreciable proportion of that group, so he doesn't really have a problem by group standards or his own. I can appreciate that you are upset, but there's nothing you can do.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Am afraid I don't have much advice for you. It does sound like it could be an addiction and like most other addictions the sufferer needs to be the one to admit that they need help. Try talking to him again and tell him your worries and concerns. Maybe look up a local group that deals with this sort of addiction and offer to go along with him just to see if it will help him. Other than that if he is happy with his life and it is the way he wants to live it well then I guess you just need to accept that it is who he is as a person.
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