A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I didnt think id need help with this because i had been doing so well..but now i feel like crap:( please help find a way to finally get over this feeling.i have been broken up with my ex since the begging of the year and he has a new gf but we had still been seeing each other sometimes. not feeling good about this and knowing it was making me miserable we tried to cut contact many times but we would always somehow see each other. well about few weeks ago i finally had enough and felt strong enough to cut this so i told him my true feelings and that i dont want us to talk or see each other anymore and it was the only way to move on. it felt so good and i was so proud of myself......until i ran into him the other night out. i dont know what got into me but after a few drinks and exchanging a couple texts i ended up showing at the place where he was like a psycho.. he eneded up driving me home because i was too drunk and i made a fool of myself (i dont have a drinking problem,only drink once a month, and usually not heavily, this is just a concidence that i ran into him while drunk, just my luck) anyway i ruined everything i had said before and now i feel like what i expressed to him before meant nothing. i am mad at myself, and now im sure he didnt believe what i meant. we got in a huge fight that night because of my psychoness that i dont think we will talk anymore anyway.not to mention we had sex in the car and it was horrible. i felt so good last time i cut ties, but this time i feel like crap because of the way things happened the other night. i feel guilty inside that i broke my own promiss'what can i do to get over this nasty feeling. i dont want to feel this care about what he htinks or feeling like i "lost" again, when the last time i told him how i felt i felt like a winner. i dont even want him to remember me this way, is this how he will remember me by now????? i feel really crappy. just have to move on somehow and get this horrible night out of my head?!?! please help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): I would not get so upset. I don't think you did anything wrong. Like the reader before said, Don't be so hard on yourself. I was recently dumped and wrote the ex a letter, no big deal.
As long as we continue on the road to self healing, things will be fine.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
Oh dear. First of all, you need to forgive yourself! You made a mistake, and you've seen that it was a mistake, which is a great start!!! :)
Then, stop all contact with this guy, delete his number and everything! You need to give that heart of yours time to heal. So go out with friends, have fun, maybe take up a new hobby. Give yourself all the time you need to get over him. Then, when you're ready, you'lll find yourself a great guy!
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A
male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 The problem you have is that you need to heal completely from this relationship. You attempted to do this still keeping contact with him.
The more contact you keep with him, the more you are chained to this relationship. The more your mind holds on to his control over you.
You thought you were stronger than what you actually were. The alcohol broke down the shell of strength you had created, exposing it for what it was, a thin shell.
You need to build the shell into something stronger, and you can only do this by staying away and moving on to something that will sustain you.
It sounds like you are worried that what has happened ruins any chance of getting back together with him. If that is the case, then refocus and realize that it is over between you two. You are moving on so ultimately, it doesn't matter what this guy thinks anymore.
I can see how what happened is embarrassing, but it was the alcohol brining out the emotions that are deep inside, the ones you are working on healing. It was very normal for this to happen when you had just recently completely severed ties with the man.
Forgive yourself for doing it, understand you need to stay away from the guy completetly, understand that what this guy thinks does not matter anymore. Understand that you do not need this guy. There's a brand new life waiting for you. You just have to push forward to create it.
If I were you, I would write this guy a letter and apologize for your behavior. This letter would be for you, NOT FOR HIM. Explain it was the alcohol and that you're very sorry. Then don't contact the man again. Regain the strenght you had built and make it stronger.
You can do it. Always belive that.
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