A
female
age
30-35,
*riaz
writes:There's a cute guy I've been noticing for a while at the gym. He takes a lot of they fitness classes that I do, like intense cardio and weight training classes. I think we know each other's names, but that's it. I don't even know if he's single. Both of us are friends with the instructor. Today in class, he set up his equipment next to me, and he's never done that before. However, I didn't notice when he came in and was away from my equipment when he came in, so he probably didn't know that he set up his equipment next to mine until I came back. I usually set up towards the right side of the room in the middle, and he sets up in the middle of the room towards the back. We have never spoken to each other. We did make eye contact once when we were both talking to the instructor. I am really shy, and have a hard time talking to guys, so he is no exception. I am also very insecure about my body. I have wide hips and legs. He is also skinnier than me. I also have really bad acne (that im taking medication for), but all of that makes me really self conscious. I don't have the courage to approach him first. He seems pretty quiet too. He doesn't talk to anyone in the class, except the instructor, if he's spoken to. How do I get him to start talking to me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (9 November 2015):
You start by speaking to him.
Say "Hi, Tom" with a brief smile every time you see him from now on.
Once you feel comfortable doing that progress to "Hi, Tom. How are you?"
When you're comfortable with that, progress to "small talk". Of course, I'm British, so I would usually use a comment about the weather first but you could comment on the traffic or say something like "Did you have a good weekend?"
Once you're comfortable at that level and if he seems to respond positively to this, then start adding some more conversation in there
E.G
YOU: "Hi Tom, how are you?"
TOM: "Hi, I'm good thanks? How are you?"
YOU: "I'm really well, especially with this weather. Isn't it fabulous?"
TOM: "Yes it's great to see the sun out."
YOU: "I'm always in a good mood when the sun's out. It makes me think of vacations in (wherever)...... Have you ever been?" or "Did you take a vacation last year?" or "Have you got plans for next year?"
Then you see how the conversation pans out. If, after a few weeks, you're just getting a load of mono-syllabic answers or he doesn't ask you any questions back - then you can probably take it that he isn't interested in you at any level.
Another example on a conversation opener could go something like this.
YOU: "Hi Tom, How are you?"
TOM: "Hi, I'm good thanks. How are you?
YOU: "Oh, I'm fine. I could do with better weather, though. This rain is dreadful."
TOM: "Yeah, it's horrible."
YOU: "When I was a kid we had a dog who, whenever it rained really hard like this, would hide behind the sofa and howl like the world was ending. Silly animal - he was cute though..... Do you have any pets?"
Perhaps you can think up some more conversation openers to try out on him. People generally like talking about vacations, pets (if they have them), their hobbies and men seem to like talking about their cars.
Good luck
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