A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been very happily married for seven years and have three small children. We live in a very social neighborhood and hang out with nearly all of our immediate neighbors on a regular basis. My husband and I became very good friends with one of the couples...and I became very close with the husband - it started as just friends - conversations here and there, innocent flirting...and turned into a pretty serious emotional affair - mostly via email and phone. We would hang out with the group sometimes on weekends and try to catch quick moments alone - and eventually kissed one day. We both felt so guilty and scared about gettihng caught and ended things a few weeks ago...but I'm having a really tough time getting over him...and the horrible guilt I feel for doing this to my husband who I truly love - this is one of his closest friends and our neighbor. I have tried to cut off as much contact as possible, but it's truly impossible because we see them on a regular basis and my husband is always hanging out with him or talking to him. It's like I just can't get away from it. I'm so afraid I will never get over this other person - i go from being sad that it's over to feeling terrible regret - it's just always in the back of my head. I cannot tell my husband because it would also destroy the other person's family (he has two young children); we would be forced to move and I know how my husband is - he would never, ever forgive me...I can't risk losing him. I want my old life back before I got myself into this situation, but I'm struggling. What can I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): poor bloke. This is why bokes tend not to talk about their feelings. His close friend is moving in on his wife.
I think you would be best swapping partners.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am so happy you responded and I really do feel for your situation. I will tell you that the kiss we had actualy forced us to end things - the sad part was that it made me realize how much I care about him - but it freaked us out enough to know that things needed to end before we got caught. We actually just all went on vacation together as couples and stayed in the same condo! It was crazy to say the least. It's the emotional part of the affair that makes it so hard to give up - it't just intense and exciting. The tough part is that I had no reason to do this - I really love my husband and have always felt we have something really rare, but yet I still risked everything to be with this other person. Take my advice on this...the longer you wait to end it, the harder it is...I kept prolonging the inevitable - we even ended it once a few months back. Trust me, it gets harder and harder - feelings just get deeper and it just takes over your life - but you already know that. I do know even just a few weeks since it's been over that I am thankful we did not sleep together - even though I still secretly want to. You cna never take that back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Good luck, sweet heart. I'm in the same predicament, almost. The only difference is we haven't kissed yet, but it's inevitbible.
I wish I knew what to tell you, I really do. I know getting over him isn't easy, and I hope you find the inner strength to do what you need to do to salvage your marriage. And if you do, please let me know where you found it so I can grab me some, too!
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A
female
reader, KatieBird +, writes (8 January 2008):
I think you have answered your own question...it needs to end. I know it will probably be hard not to think about it, maybe it will even be hard to stop interacting (though it sounds like you see him often in your group of friends). When you married your husband you made a commitment. I am about to get married myself, and both my fiance and I agree that entering into a marriage is a big deal. A marriage is forever, not "for now", and I think that too often people forget this...and we see that with the absurd divorce rates. Please remember what you said to your husband when you got married, and realize that you are not holding your end of the bargain with this affair. Now, realize what made you fall in love with your husband...or why you still love him (I hope). I believe that when people get involved in an affair, it is because they feel something is lacking in their marriage, or maybe "the forbidden" is just like a big adventure they haven't had in a while. You need to spice things up with your husband. Talk to him about what you feel is lacking. Maybe you aren't lacking the sexual part at all...maybe the emotional part only. Go on a date with each other once a week...just the two of you. Make it a point to talk to each other for a half hour before falling asleep. Send him a chatty email in the middle of the day. Whatever you need to do...just do it. The affair must stop, and although you may see this other man at friendly gatherings...keep your distance. Realize too that this particular situation (if exposed) would ruin your marriage, the other guy's marriage, and possibly make the group of friend turn against both of you. Good Luck!
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