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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my ex 10 years ago. he said he felt that we're better of "just friends". we stayed friends, emailed each other, chat sometimes or hang out when he's in town. i never got over him, and even though we're friends, i always knew he'd love me one day.recently, he started dating a good friend of mine who i've known for almost 20 years. they met at a party that i threw. now, they're very serious and are even planning to get married.i can't accept it. she back stabbed me, as i've been crying to her about him all these years. she knows i love him. but she dated him anyway, and stole the love of my life.sometimes, when we all hang out together, i purposely get drunk so that i can try to kiss him, and hug him and try to get his girlfriend angry so they mite breakup. he just pushes me away. i drink a lot nowadays, because i'm so heart broken. i date many other guys, kiss them when i get drunk and sometimes have one nite stands just to dull the pain, but i'm still in love with him. he told me to move on, to get over him, because he's happy with his girlfriend and soon to be fiance.i hate her. she's so beautiful and popular, everything he dreams of in a girl. he says she's smart, funny, outgoing, confident and physically his dream girl.. she can get any guy she wants. she plays men,dates them and dumps them whenever she wants. but of all the men she has dated or can get, she wants the only man i will ever love. but now she has changed and is committed to him and says she loves him and wants to marry him. i need to do break them up before they get engaged or married.he's going to be miserable with her. i know we're soul mates and meant to be together.how do i get them to breakup?
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female
reader, lily81  +, writes (11 June 2008):
I agree with everyone here however none of that is going to make you feel better. I understand that you feel you're friend is a backstabber. She doesn't seem like much a friend if she knew this was going to bother you and went ahead and started dating him anyway. Unless of course you were not upfront with her. It's ok to feel jealous. That's natural. But there's nothing really you can do about it. If you guys are really soul mates then you will find each other someway somehow. But you can't go manipulating the situation. If you love him and he feels he found a girl that he enjoys being with, don't get in the way. It's really really hard to watch. I get that. But nothing's worse than having a dude you like tell you that you need to move on. So you have to do exactly that. Pick up your pride off the floor and do what's best for you right now. Don't obsess over him and your so-called friend. Maybe you should take some time away from them entirely so that them being together is not constantly shoved down your throat. Find some other people you enjoy spending time with until you can get over this. People will say that you're acting like a child, but we all have a child within us. insecurities and jealously bring out the worse in us. The skill is in learning how to hide it which is why I think you posted here. Don't despair. Cut your friend loose, at least for now, temporarily until you've had some time to heal and get over him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): It's been ten years. I think you should just try to move on.
If she got with him a week after you broke up, or even a year, then maybe you would be justified. However, 10 years is a long time, and I really don't think it can be counted as her 'stealing' him from you.
If he was your soulmate, you would be together now and he wouldn't be with her. And, if they're planning to get married, they're obviously happy.
Don't try to ruin these two people's lives just because ten years on you still like this guy who clearly isn't going to get back with you anytime soon (if anytime at all). Breaking them up won't make him come crawling back to you, if anything, it'll probably turn him against you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): this might sound harsh honey, but it seems like you're the one he should ditch. it doesn't seem that he needs your help in analysing whether this girl is good for him or not. he's told you to move on. that should be your answer right there.if he wanted you and thinks you're his soul mate as well, he did NOTHING about it for the past 10 years. what makes you think he'll do something about it even if you succeed in breaking them up? the issue you have to understand here is that he doesn't want to be with you. with or without your friend in the picture. it has nothing to do with her. even if it wasn't her, there would still be other women. it's just not going to be you.leave him alone and let them be. let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): You cannot make this guy love you. And if you remember the fable 'the grapes would be sour anyway'.
Perhaps you have been using the crutch 'of your soulmate ex' to not commit to a serious relationship? You say 'I broke up with my ex'? Was it fear of commitment that made you leave your soulmate?
Funny your description of your 'friend' mirrors your actions. Get drunk, kiss them, one nite stands.
Let them alone, if they don't suceed it won't be on your conscience. Examine your own issues and try to find a new best friend and 'soulmate'. There are billions of men in the world, you may find a better fit.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 You broke up with this lad ten years ago and you're still hung up about it? Don't kid yourself. If it's been ten years and he hasn't swept you off your feet the way you seem to be fantasizing about, then it isn't going to happen.
Move on. Realize that there is nothing you can do about your friend and your ex. Why try and cause pain when they're obviously happy together? If they /did/ break up, odds are that your ex would be annoyed at you for doing it, as opposed to crawling back, which is what you seem to think would happen.
If you were really soulmates you'd still be together. He obviously does not feel the same way that you do.
Accept it, and stop acting like a child.
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