A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: We met one summer in his town and instantly fell in love.... we had a really passionate relationship, he was an amazing provider and lover and everything I could ever dream of. He asked me to move to his town and I did so for him, leaving my job and family , hobbies and friends behind. It was a very tough year for me cause I didn't adjust well to his town, and after a year I told him let's go abroad so we can both be much better financially. He was reluctant about it at first, but took a leap of faith for me and we moved. Things started getting even tougher , he had never lived abroad before and since we couldn't initially afford an entire apartment we moved into a shared flat.Some months later I caught him "cheating" ( He claimed he only went out for coffee with her , which I do believe because he was working night shifts and on his nights off we were always together - we also lived together ) but that broke the trust. He was crying his eyes out for days, apologizing, saying he got caught up in his self-esteem getting low due to moving to a different country and feeling uncomfortable. The time of the 'affair' coincided with us agreeing to him qutting his job to study for 3 months and change his career, so even though I wanted him to move out of our place I decided to let him stay so he could save money on the premise that he would work for our relationship and make it go back to normal. But I told him I'd open tinder and that made him feel very insecure. (I didn't meet anyone, I was only chatting to men because I felt I couldn't trust him and I was hurt). He agreed and thanked me for the chance and went into full studying mode, so I didn't feel I was getting my needs met. He wouldn't accompany me almost anywhere ( We went out together but he wouldn't join my friends' bday, outing with friends etc) and I was growing impatient and belligerent because when we lived in his town he never used to say no to me. This led to us having many arguments and I even became physical with him once or twice. One day, we were out and having a good time and all of a sudden we got into another argument. When I went home, I booked a flight to go visit a gf of mine in our country of origin. The next day he wanted us to have lunch and I just showed up with my suitcase. He told me not to go, that we gotta fix this and we love each other. I said no, I am leaving because I don't feel appreciated. I was planning to stay with my gf for a week but then I also went to visit my parents, so I ended up leaving him alone for a month. I flew back for his bday, for which he was tremendously happy and told me he wants to marry me. He said no matter what has happened, with me he's felt happiness he had never experienced before. But again I left and went back after 20 days. It was late August, our landlord wanted us out (mortgage issues) so I suggested we move into different rooms and then once we save some money we can move into a proper flat together, to which he disagreed. He said it's crazy to live apart after living together for 2 years and that he's afraid that I would forget him. He promised to get a room somewhere really close to me and see each other every day. However, he couldn't find a room close to me and ended up living 45 mins away, and his new job was very demanding ( He changed sectors alltogether) so he had to study a lot after work to which I wasn't understanding at all. In October I came to the realization that living apart was a huge mistake, I missed him like the sun misses the rain, I started becoming very impatient but he started enjoying his time away from our arguments. He was growing cold towards me and every time we would meet we would argue. He said he was heart-broken that he spent all his savings on me so we could live together in his town ( He covered 80% of the expenses there), moved to another country for me and I left him alone in the summer and then decided to live alone. I realized my mistakes but he had turned into an iceberg, being rude to me and then apologizing for it, saying he wants to be with me but something 'broke' inside him. I kept pleading and pushing, which only made things worse. In early Dec he wrote an email titled 'Love of my life' in which he wrote that he's devastated we have both messed this up big time and that he wants to find peace, he realizes he's being unfair to me but he still can't calm down but when he looks into the future he cannot see another woman but me. I am still in his heart and the space I occupy in his mind is only my space.At Christmas he went home to see his parents, and I would text him long paragraphs every day about love, forgiveness etc. He kept asking him to let him breathe and have a good time with his family and that he wants to fix things between us but he will do it once he's back, but I wouldn't listen, I couldn't, I was just so sad and devastated that I might lose him. He came back after 20 days, willing to work on things. He was taking small steps, being nice and positive, but I just wanted our relationship to go back to how it used to be so one day I broke up with him over text, feeling very tired and drained. 3 days later he asked me if I am certain about the break-up, to which I responded 'well since things aren't changing, I cannot wait any longer'. He blocked me on Facebook. A month and a half after the break-up ( We weren't talking ), his grandmother died in March(One of his relatives told me). He flew there as he was her favorite grandson and a few days later I also flew there, I wanted to be there for him. -I stayed for 5 days and asked him to talk about our relationship but he said he's still mourning but when he gets back we will sit down and talk ( During my 5'day stay he was cold towards me but we did take walks together, made love once, he was so hurt and I could see he wanted to get close to me but something was stopping him.. I even spoke to his mother and told her I love her son and she said 'I know you do and he loves you too'.. ) Well, Covid happened and he stayed in his hometown for a long time and then I also flew to my hometown since I was able to work from home. He never called after my visit to his hometown so I always felt we didn't have closure. He only sent a text asking me to be extra careful with Covid. The world was going crazy with the pandemic, so I was taking things easy and waiting for him to finally be well enough to talk to me. One day in May I had a missed video call on Viber from him. I was shocked, thinking it might have been accidental so I didnt call back. I texted him ' Was this by mistake?' to which he never responded. Months went by and I was still in my hometown. In January 2021 I realized he had unblocked me on Facebook, so i thought to myself he's finally ready to talk to me. But he didn't. A month later, he folllowed me on Instagram, but I didn't follow back. I noticed he would watch my stories, but not all of them. Then a few months later I noticed he wasn't watching them anymore. In August 2021 I moved to the Middle East after a year of living in my hometown. In December 2021 a friend of mine confirmed he had unfollowed me on Instagram. One night in December I drank a lot in a bar in my hometown we had been to together. I was missing him tons so I texted him 'My love, where are you?' To which he responded ' Someone got drunk last night'. I was embarrassed so I didn't reply. He texted me two more times on different days asking if I'm ok but I ignored him. A month after this incident I posted a story on INSTA indicating im in a certain city e in the same city so he asked to meet for coffee if i stay longer. I told him I have a flight the next day to which he put a sad emoji. Now this is where it all goes wrong. I asked him why he folllowed me on instagram, he replied it's because he wanna say hi to me from time to time. I found this response to be so ridiculous ( I had forgotten he often used humorous replies in the past) and I wrote back in a very assertive tone that I don't need that from him and I had been waiting for him to initiate a conversation he promised he would but he never did, and I still love him and it took me a long time to be OK so I don't see a point in us having casual, meaningless convos. He said that we had once been together so he would like to keep it civil with me and talk from time to time and that he feels we were never on the same page.'Anyways, I responded to his paragraph saying that what he is saying isnt true and that we were on the same page but we did become toxic for each other. And even though a lot has transpired and I moved to another country and have had the time of my life traveling and all that, my happiest moments were the summer I met him. He didn't say anything after that, but I did notice he started opening my INSTA stories a lot quicker..... like within 10 mins as opposed to 12 hours in the past....2 weeks later I was feeling emotional and wrote to him on FB.... Telling him that I haven't forgotten him and I can't marry another man since he exists, and that I still love him and want to meet him to look him in his eyes and have a drink with him and finally talk and laugh in person..... To which he DIDN'T REPLY..... Left me on read. It's been a month now , he's still watching my insta stories. I am hurt that he ignored my messages on Fb. I feel it's extremely wrong how we never had our closure talk and how we never spoke, even on a human level. After 2 years of not seeing him, of dating other guys, of moving to a different country, I know I still love him. I miss him every day (Despite having a good time) and want to see him. How do i go about this since he didn't respond to my last messages? We will both be in our homecountry for the summer ( we are from different towns). Nothing matters to me anymore, I know I've been trying to make myself happy but it's only temporary, I want my man back.I am mad at myself for doing no contact for so long then blewing my cover , I am upset that I had watched no contact videos and how to react when ur ex reaches out ( U gotta play it cool no matter what and slowly build a friendship) and YET i Messed up ! I am also mad that I didn't postpone my flight to seize that opportunity of having coffee with him and seeing him in person when HE was the one suggesting it. I truly believe this would have been a great opportunity to see each other face to face after 2 years.How do I proceed now? Please practical advice only , no 'Time to move on!' stuff.
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broke up, christmas, drunk, facebook, fell in love, grandmother, insecure, money, move on, moved in, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2022): You mention he was a great provider and that he was going to change his job. Why don't you provide for yourself, you are a grown adult and should do. He is not your meal ticket.
You mention you love him yet if he wants to end it or if it is better you ignore that. That is not love. That is wanting to have your own way, hating to be single, wanting a provider. Not love.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2022):
 What do you do?
YOU unfollow and block him, you LEAVE him alone. From your post, it seems like the two of you are toxic together. You two had a summer fling that turned just sour, yet you both dragged it out and dragged it on and on and on.
You might feel it's this grande love, but the way you two treated each other was with disrespect, contempt, and indifference. THAT isn't love.
Since when is downloading Tindr an appropriate response to your partner having coffee with someone and being busy with studies so he can start a career?
Or blaming YOU for having to pay for you to live with him, when HE ASKED you to?!
You don't want to hear the "move on", but you can pine after a guy who was NEVER a great match for you and then wake up in your 50's and realize that life passed you by because YOU didn't move on.
He isn't the "ONE" for you. And you are not the "ONE" for him.
You don't "gotta play it cool" in life. You got to be direct, you got to not put someone on a pedestal and then get mad when they fall down over and over.
You "gotta" be you, be honest, and LIVE life.
...............................
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