A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I get the dating feeling back into my marriage? I have only been married for 2 months. But I want that loving feeling like what we had when we were dating back. I know things change after you get married but I didn't think it would come down to this. We already don't have much time together. He works 24 on and 48 off, I work 8:30 - 5:30 and then go to school 2 nights a week. I've expressed these feelings to my husband but nothing seems to change. I get home and he stays in the recliner and I stay on the loveseat all night. We hardly ever touch. When we do it is just b/c we are both trying to go to sleep. We hardly ever have any meaningful converstations anymore. The last time I brough it up to him he got upset with me. he finally calmed down and said now he don't have to worry about romancing me because he already has me. Any advice on what to do and to get that loving feeling back into my marriage. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Hi Mrs Anonymous,
It dosen't sound like your having much fun. The aunts have given you great advice, COMMUNICATION, PLANNING, working as a team and romance is what is needed here. It's sad that after only 2 months, the magic has already faded. That's not right, that's not fair, you should still be on honeymoon. Why do you and him have to sit apart.. Early on in marriage, why can't you too cuddle up on the recliner or the loveseat, the closer the better, I'd say, why can't you go and sit on his lap, does he push you off, or do you think he'll reject you. Why not try it, go and sit in his lap, go nibble his neck. He belongs to you, you belong to him, you are a team, you've got to try to get closer, you are no longer strangers.
There is a great book that tries to explain how to improve communication in marriage, it's a classic and you should be able to find it in any bookshop or library. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by Dr.John Grey.. Give it a try, it will help you to understand how to communicate with your husband and tell him your not happy with the way things are.
You must have some spare time, what about when your not at school and it's his night off. There are ton's of things you can do. You could turn the bathroom into a spa and spend hours getting to know each other intimately as you get clean. You could cook together, but make sure you give each other little touches, kisses, little sexy smiles. Action sometimes works better than words. How about you just kiss him whenever you want. What was different when you were dating. What did you do then. Write down some ideas and try them out, and see if anything turns you or him on best.
Please keep in touch babes, update your situation. It's not fair that you feel this way, your still supposed to be on honeymoon and chasing each other all over the place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Dear Poster
How long did you know each other before the marriage?
You might not like what I am going to say but, I am trying to help you and not upset you; I am merely giving my opinion based on my knowledge and experience from what I read in your posting.
It sounds like the big sectret danger called "drifting", is creeping into your marriage.
Drifting is one of the most common forms of marital failure. It is subltel, it is quiet, non-offensive; it sounds no alarms; it just gradually creeps into our lives. Step by step, the emotional deadness sneaks up on us and we move further and further apart.
We fail to realize the absence of real caring and nurturing; we are preoccupied and keep busy.
You and your husband NEED TO REGONISE what is happening and you both need to take RESPONSIBILITY.
If not, the problem will "roll on" and you will just drift more and more apart.
You must "do" something to change what is happening. It is NOT TOO LATE yet.
I SUGGEST:
You concentrate on your MARITAL INTIMACY; that being: emotional Intimacy; Social Intimacy; Sexual Intimacy; Intellectual Intimacy; Recreational Intimacy; Spiritual Intimacy.
Try and establish which of the above intimacies you need to work on; where is the lacking?
COMMUNICATE your feelings and your fears to your husband in a loving manner;
You both need to learn to COMMUNICATE about sensitive issues, avoiding it makes the problem bigger.
Commit yourself to change.
Establish a plan of action;
for example: change the way in which you relate to each other; discuss and plan what you are going to do, how are you going to do it?
Remember, "all couples marrry INTENDING to be happy but very few PLAN for it".
Often when forced to deal with problems and conflicts, you might find yourselves becoming closer.Love is much more than giddy feelings and pleasurable experiences.
The following four characteristics are vital to the growth of a quality relationship:
RESPECT; HONESTY; FORGIVENESS;and COMMITMENT
Start working on your marriage TODAY.
Best wishes, lotsof hugs and SMILES
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A
female
reader, chloe71z +, writes (22 August 2008):
 You need to first open up the lines of communication again it sounds as if one of you have closed them. Talk to him about how you feel. Tell him that you need to set aside atlest one nite a week when you and him can just take that time for just you and him and go to dinner and a movie or a carnival or something you both enjoy
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