A
male
age
,
*tho
writes:Dear Cupid,I have a horrible dilemma, probably more medical but I'm even beginning to wonder about that too. I have been married to the same beautiful woman for the past 28 years and been with her for over 32 years. We met when I was 17 and she 22. When we met she told me she had a long term relationship from nearly 18 to just over 20. In that time they bought land and worked extra jobs to pay it off and then the usuual, he dumps her for someone else. Devestated she goes partying on a 'I hate men sort of thing' and has 2 'one off sex encounters'. Some time after we met and fell in love. She told me about the 2 experiences straight away as she knew that I knew them and didn't want me to find out by someone else. I loved her and, although probably a little taken back at the time, was ok with it. We had a baby some 3 years after meeting and then got married. We then had another child 2 years later.We've had a great life together and she is just the best person.In late 2010 I started to get anxious about silly things and also grieving over 2 deaths in my family (mother and brother) Then my daughter was propositioned by a sleazy male she was renting off and I just found it getting too much. I bumped into an friend from the 1980's and we talked about a work xmas party from the 80's. I recalled that I went home early and my wife stayed out for about 5 hours coming home intoxicated with a friend of mine and his wife. She told me that nothing happened even though she got a lift to a night club with a well know womaniser. I accepted it at the time but then around xmas 2010 after bumping into this friend, I began questioning her again for about 3 weeks. She was quite horrified and said she didn't even remember the night. Around that time I went to the doctor and was actually diagnosed with depression. I accepted that nothing happened but then for some stupid reason (I'm assuming the depression)I asked her about the past relationships prior to us meeting even though I knew about them. Hearing it again after all those years just seemed to be like an arrow in the heart.I've been on medication for the depression starting a new one a week ago and also therapy for the same. I love my wife dearly and she loves me 'more than life' she assures me. I want my life back and hate the fact that these stupid thoughts about something that happened over 30 years ago. She doesn't deserve it and I know in my head that it is stupid and that she has done nothing that I didn't do even though I was younger when we met. Sorry for the long story but it covers a long time and is perhaps complicated. Any ideas
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reader, ptho +, writes (31 March 2011):
ptho is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies. Its strange but only 24 hours ago I just decided that I was through with feeling sorry for myself and waiting for the medication and/or the therapist to do their magic. I have decided the get my life back with determination and as far as the thoughts go, what's the worst thing can happen, NOTHING. My wife's past does concern what we've had together even though she gave me reasons for what she did. I am just concentrating and want to cherish the life we've had and what's ahead of us and the only person that can ruin that is me. I will continue with medication and am acutally thinking about hypnotherapy to just help the relaxation along.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): may i respectfully suggest that due to your medical condition, your depression that you seek the service of a professional. one of us may give you incorrect or inappropriate advice and we may be insensitive to your issues.having said the above, i just want to add that what u are going through is real and relevant and no matter how trivial it may seem, it is important to you and should be addressed.good luck.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (30 March 2011):
You've been through a lot in a fairly short space of time so the fact your suffering with depression is understandable.
You're just going to have to keep reminding yourself that it's the depression that's causing these thoughts to bother you and occur more frequently, it does cause people to fixate on things like this. It may be your way of focusing your emotions onto something else, opposed to what's actually upsetting you. Considering this didn't bother you for around 32yrs it doesn't sound like it could be anything else.
Keep persevering with the medication and therapy. If you are bringing this topic up with your wife frequently then gently try to explain to her that's it's the depression and you know it doesn't really matter.
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