A
male
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anonymous
writes:How do I get rid of my nerdy geeky personality? i know its a big part of me but i hate being always referred to as a loser. Oh and I'm 20 and not some teenager in high school. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Bill Gates is called nerdy ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK. Think about it. Also his wife Melinda is a cutie-patooty.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 June 2007):
 You can be a geeky nerd and not a loser. I am very geeky myself, but no one would call me a loser.
Why? It's as I Don't Lie said, it's about confidence. Or more specifically, how confident you appear. Why many geeks are called losers is because in addition to being a geek they are also un-confident socially. But there's nothing in the rules of geekdom that say you have to be unconfident.
So rather than focussing on trying to be less geeky, instead focus on being more confident about being a geek. There are many ways to do this, here are some that are imho a bit geeky, and have worked for me at different times. I should add that I too went through my teenage years being unconfident, but learned as I reached my early 20s how to change this about myself:
- Remember the real criteria that women select men on is not only physique. Geeks have many of the attributes that women find attractive, all that's needed is the addition of some confidence and these other attributes can shine through. These are things like intelligence, ambition, skills and education, good earning potential (geeks tend to get well paid jobs these days), plus under their spiky exteriors, geeks are usually sensitive and caring. These are all things that women really look for in a man.
- Remember that many of the people calling you a loser are doing so because they are un-confident themselves. It's human nature. Geeks are often insulted by other men because they are smarter than they are (which they are jealous of), and are unlikely to smack them in the mouth.
Work on how your confidence comes across socially. Practice slowing yourself down and being aware of your body movements and positions. Consider things like:
- Practice keeping your body still when talking to someone. Relax your muscles and breath evenly. That will naturally project confidence. Rest your hands rather than fidgeting with them.
- Maintain eye contact more than usual. Look someone in the eye and hold the eye contact. Especially when talking to them. Don't over do it (you'll seem weird), or stare, but rather just look calmly and evenly at them when communicating with them.
- Smile a lot. People like people who smile at them. Don't fake it, but rather find the part of yourself that is happy to be social, and let it come out naturally.
- Listen, and listen without thinking about what you are going to say next. Rather just listen with the aim of understanding. Someone who shows that they are happy to listen and doesn't need to keep on trying to convince people of their opinion, comes across as confident about their own beliefs and opinions. Plus girls just love a guy who actually listens to them!
A lot of these body & movement-related things can be learned. Something like marshal arts (I do tai chi), or meditation or yoga can teach you how to relax and project calmness and confidence. Taking up something like that can really help you here.
All the best
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Its not the type of personality you have (geeky, macho, etc) that makes a person 'cool', its the way you bring yourself about. Its the way you exude your confidence in public and its the way you tell the world you dont really care what they think of you. You can be extremely knowledgeable in computers or history say, but yet still score with the hottest chick in town if you have that confidence about you. Confidence is what makes someone sexy, and that is what all the supposed 'badboys' have, confidence, although some might argue that theyre more likely to be cocky then confident. If someone calls you a loser, smile at them and shake your head. The best way to get back at someone is by not giving them the satisfation of knowing that theyve gotten to you! Just be confident and most of all, be yourself. Why should you let someone else tell you how you should or should not live your own life?
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Being a nerd isn't necessarily a bad thing... A lot of people making fun of someone do it to make themselves look better, because they're missing something themselves. Just work towards being successful. When you're a millionaire, they'll look incredibly stupid.
Dv1
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (4 June 2007):
 why would u want 2 give up something about u if its u than people u hung out with who r ur so called friends are not. i love guys who are smart and have something to say. if u are that depressed about it please go counselling but never change who u r it u and those around u will have to deal with i would rather be the loser geek than the popular girl who in 10 years time i will bump in to being a cleaner or in a dead end job hope it goes well xxx
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