A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I get my ex-girlfriend to move on without hurting her?That’s probably a hard question I know as its probably inevitable someone gets hurt. We went out with each other for 11 months, she pushed me away several times probably because of her illness (anorexia) but the last time was too much for me.I have now moved on, found another girlfriend but out of the blue the ex-girlfriend starts emailing and thinks I hate her for what shes done and wants me back.I am too happy in my current relationship to go back, How can I let her down gently?I genuinely don’t want her hurt anymore, she has been through a lot. I would like to stay friends with her, but realise that would not be fair on my current girlfriend plus I also want to remain faithful to my current girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): I am the same anonymous that replied previously.
Anyway, I know that you would feel that way because those are almost the same words that my ex said to me. She is going to have to accept that it's not meant to be and she will move on and she will find someone better for her. Maybe you never were meant to be the one and the relationship happened, it was a good run, but the time is up, since you seem to be very happy with your current girlfriend. I know you feel like you owe it to her to tell her about your new relationship. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do but if you do decide to do it, try to let her know that even though this new relationship means a lot to you, she was still special to you. At least assure her that the memories you two made together are worth it, and eventually she too will find someone to make more memories with. Who knows, maybe you 2 may pick up the relationship where it started off, but now it's important for you to let you know that you'll always be around if she needs you to help her heal. In my opinion, it is only right that you do so.
I think you're a good person and I hope that you can work it out somehow. Cheers (:
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer "anonymous" I think deep down I know your right not to stay friends.
Its just I feel such a fraud and let down to her and my pain comes over feeling guilty because I told her I am not going away when she had those fears I would early on in the relationship.
I have offered to meet to explain things, mainly about meeting someone else but I dont even know if that is a good idea. I just feel although she doesnt have a right to know, out of the last respect I have for her I owe it to her to be at least honest.
She has had it 16 years and I knew about it before starting the relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): I probably shouldn't be answering this because I went through something similar to what your ex-girlfriend did. Yeah, I had something similar to aneroxia, not as serious, but similar. And I pushed my ex-boyfriend away a million times because I was scared of letting him know and I guess he got tired of chasing me around and he eventually just broke up with me.It hurt, alot. And for many months now, I keep reflecting about what I did wrong and how he could just leave me like that despite telling me so many times that he loved me so much. But eventually I came to a realisation that it's much easier to just accept the fact that he loved me once and he doesn't love me anymore, and I have to suck it up and move on with life.So basically, I'm just giving you my point of view but a probable answer to your question would be whatever you do, DO NOT be friends with your ex-girlfriend. It would hurt a lot on her part and maybe on yours as well. She is going to become hopeful and when you can't return the feelings, she's going to feel hurt. Being friends is DEFINITELY not an option until she has healed her heart. Just tell her gently that the relationship you had with her had flaws and although you're supposed to accept your partners with their flaws and imperfections, you couldn't accept some flaws in your relationship with her. It's not her flaws, but the relationship. There was something not working out and you both just have to accept it the way it is.I don't know if this will help but I truly hope it does.
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