A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am crushing on this guy I met at work. He is an agreeable and friendly sort. But asking him out or expressing my feelings to him is out of question since he is a senior colleague. I don't want to make things awkward at workplace or put my job on the chopping block. I am trying my level best to get rid of my thoughts for him, But I bump into him everyday at work and I am finding it difficult to let go of feelings for him. Fortunately due to the pandemic. I am working from home, trying to divert myself towards other things-work, household chores hobbies, catching up with friends over phone, e-meetings etc. I am keeping myself busy but I still dont seem to get rid of feeling for him. I am angry with myself for not being able to stop thinking about him. Also I am dreading meeting him at work post lockdown and maybe discover that my feelings for him, however illusory have not ebbed. Please provide some tips to help grapple with this situation. Really need some tips to deal with my infatuation and kill it so that I can focus better on myself and my life. I dont know what to do. When will this end ? :( :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 June 2020):
 That's the thing with a crush, you can't entirely control it. You can control what you CHOOSE to do with it, like you chose to keep your infatuation to yourself. Which, I think was both smart and professional of you.
Maybe you should pin point what it IS that you like about him. What qualities you THINK he has (let's face it, he might be a very different person at home than what you see at work).
To admire a coworker/superior/senior coworker is not that strange, it's when you tie in romantic feelings that things gets dicey.
Maybe you can also remind yourself that OK, you like this guy but there is no where to go with those feelings. Is he married also, perhaps? IF he is, that is another "incentive" to tell yourself you need to get your head back in the game and be respectful (of yourself AND him and his marriage).
There is no quick way to drop feelings, you aren't made of stone. But you have managed to BE in control and to make the RIGHT choice in not pursuing this guy so KEEP using your brains here.
Eventually you WILL meet someone with whom you CAN bond and make a future. This coworker - He just isn't that person.
Mind over matter, OP.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2020): It's natural and common to grow remote attachments to people who may not even have a clue. He represents many good qualities that you are seeking in a man; and it may not be so much him in particular, but the idea of him. Love requires reciprocation, in order for it to be qualified as love. Crushes and infatuations are based on imaginary or perceived feelings towards someone.
Obviously, you are single and alone. He is oozing with male-pheromones and you're highly susceptible to his charms. He is polite, he is a power-figure, and apparently has the physical-traits you want in a man. You won't stop thinking of him so easily, because he's a colleague. At least 8 hours out of your day! You will likely run into each-other several times throughout the workweek. You're doing all the things anyone could suggest to distract yourself. It just so happens, being alone with yourself; also means you're alone with your thoughts! Is there no mercy?
As you've probably read here on DC many times, workplace-romances are risky ventures. You don't know what to do when they go sour; and giving-up the job is not always an easy or sensible option. Not to mention, it may be inappropriate to approach a senior colleague; only to discover he is not totally flattered to be approached in such a way. Considering his position, the company may not appreciate the possible risk of liability. Then there's the workplace gossip, speculation, and suspicion you are seeking a shortcut to promotion. Worst-case scenario, everyone believes you are looking for favoritism by chumming-up or brown-nosing senior-management. You don't need or deserve that! Not when you've proven yourself.
I guess it just comes down to self-control and impulse-control. Many will cross your path that may trigger the same attraction; but he might be married, gay, or the wrong-guy. When you weigh the pros and cons; you resort to your logic and common-sense; in spite of your emotions. You have a mind, and it must work in-sync with the heart. The heart is foolish, and reckless! It only knows what it wants, which isn't always what it needs!
You'll be fine!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 June 2020):
 I think its good that you realise that he is a senior colleague, and that expressing your feelings for him would be a bad idea.
If your finding it difficult bumping in to him every day at work now, imagine how difficult you would be finding it if you had declared your feelings for him, then having to see him everyday.
Relish the fact that you are the only one who know's about this, and your not having to endure the embarrassment on the whole of your work knowing.
Time is the healer of all things, and over time these feelings you are having will dissipate. Don't be angry with your self, just accept the fact that you harbour feelings for him, no one knows but yourself, and over time these feeling will lessen.
No one can really say when this will end, just by doing what you are doing really, keeping yourself busy, chores, hobbies, catching up with friends etc.
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