A
female
age
41-50,
*abydear1980
writes:I have been with my husband off and on since we we're both 17 and married him at 22. Once we got married we were completely faithful to eachother, though things didnt stay that way. back in the beginning of "04 i became friends with this girl. i had a baby girl shortly after that and when my daughter was 6mo i had to return to work, cause my husband was having back problems and couldnt work at the time. my friend started comming up with odd jobs for my husband to do and was actually paying him for doing stuff like working on her car, doing some insulating work around her house etc. Oh and by the way she does have a husband but he worked grave yard shift and real long hours. Any ways i became close friends with her husband cause we were both worried that something was happening between the two of them but didnt have any proof. Her husband is quite a flirt and he loved giving me compliments. I brushed it off just figuring that that was just how he was. A couple of years ago or less i finally gave in and started pursuing her husband. things between me and my husband had become routine. her husband and i never actually had sex but did fool around and got touchy feely you could say. we were all suppost to be best friends that liked to hang out together. any time i was around her husband my sex drive went through the roof, i actually felt turned on finally. so back in april my husband found out that her husband and i were messing around. crap hit the fan but we decided to do some soul searching and figure out what the problems were and if we could fix them. in late july though the real truth came out, my husband and her had had sex more than once and her youngest child could possibly be his. i ordered a paternity test almost immediately and thankfully the results came out negative.Now we come to the real problem, i cannot stand to have sex with him. every time i have tried to have sex with him i end up balling like a baby. i cant stand to kiss him, i cant hold his hand, i barely even want him to touch me. every time he tells me he loves me i tell him thank you or oh ok. something that i dont understand we can do floor play and its ok but the minute we move towards sex i begin balling. he's really worked on changing things about him that were bothering me and i do appreciate it but why cant i get past this. we recently relocated and move completely to a different state so that we wouldnt be near the other couple anymore, but all i see him as is a room mate. i can talk to him as a friend but just cant see him as a lover or a mate anymore. i've told him i am thinking about a divorce. i know that i am strong enough to make it on my own, but do i really want to start over. he's willing to do anything to save it, even if it means watching chick flicks with me lol. so i guess if theres anyone out there that can give me some suggestions as to if theres any way to figure out the whole sex thing it would be nice. how can i get past this block?
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best friend, divorce, flirt, roommate, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (29 September 2009):
 You were going to second base with another man and letting your lust fill your heart and mind, and he was having sex with another woman and nearly impregnated her. Start over between you two.
You're in a new city, with new neighbors and coworkers and a new home. Start going back out on dates, start going to therapy and find ways to start fresh with new activities, and see if you can start over. But seriously, get a counselor.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): therapy. you both have been through alot. while you are upset at the physical cheating you were emotionally cheating.
why not leave the sex go for a min. and just focus on the two of you, learning to be friends again, partners and then lovers.
you must remember you both are starting over.... you didn't just start out as lovers.. you starting by seeing something in that other person... how they laughed, how they made you feel, how stupid they looked with that toilet paper on their shoe....
a relationship is work, and starting a brand new one with kids... (let me tell ya first hand... it sux) had i any senses I would have stuck it out.
divorce is the easiest answer that is true, but not always the best. life is hard sweetie, and with kids.. well even harder. ya think your tired now? wait till its just you.
do me a favor? write a dorky list Pros and cons.. of your relationships... argue both sides of the tale for you and him...
most of the time we are busy saying what we hate about a person and we neglet to realize that our list of CONS may be longer than theirs.
after you do this, and you are still not happy then consider divorce.
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