| A
female
,
*lways on Guard
writes: My ex husband cheated on me and it destroyed me and made me very insecure. Now it is effecting my current marriage. My husband has never given me reason to believe he is cheating on me, but I am always looking for him to. I don't trust him at all, and it's not fair. How do I get past the hurt and pain of my first marriage without letting it destroy my current one? And how do I let myself trust him? I make myself sick with worrying and trying to "investigate" his whereabouts when I'm not around him.
View related questions:
cheated on me, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Please do not do this to yourself or your partner.
If you current husband has given no reason for you to doubt him, enjoy the present and stop living in the past.
In life you have two choices, be a victim or be a survivor.
Being paranoid will not make your husband affair proof.
If it was to happen, it would not matter what you do or how much you worry.
The difference is that if you allow yourself to live your life and enjoy every minute, you have a good chance at being happy.
Chances are if you carry on this way, your husband will not feel trusted and be driven away.
I know it is very hard. but remember you may not be able to change your sadness brought by the past but you can control the way you deal with present and future.
Read a book on how to build your self-esteem and use your energy in becoming the New You! Only you can do that. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Itmustbesaid +, writes (8 November 2006):
Sounds to me that your problem is one of insecurity. I think the first thing you need to do is forget about the past and live in the present. Then start on making yourself mentally aware of the reasons you are feeling this way. I don't know how long you waited before you remarried but most of the time people sort out the problems that they have before taking another big step.
You can fix this problem though, if your current husband hasn't given you any reason to believe that he is cheating on your or will you have a good starting point. Start believing that you are worthy of a loving, healthy relationship and start living to grow as a couple. Accusation and snooping will only make matters worse, and if he will soon begin to feel untrusted if it already hasn't happened. This will only make matters worse, don't run off the good ones. Not all men are dogs, but it's those few bad apples that make us good men look bad.
My wife was in your same situation and after awhile I got tired of the snooping and accusation and finally said if she doesn't stop doing it she is going to make me leave her because I don't deserve that and she doesn't deserve to feel that way.
Enjoy your marriage and let the past be the past.
...............................
|
