A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This has been bothering me for a while now and I don't know how to deal with it. Sorry for the long post but your opinions are appreciated.I first met my BF in June last year. When we met I was also talking to this other guy. After a few dates with each I decided that I liked the other guy better and told my now BF that I didn't want more than friendship with him. He was quite hurt and I felt bad about what I'd done. Although he offered to talk and take things slow, I didn't speak to him after that.I kept dating this other guy for another month but it didn't work out. I then ran into my now BF and we agreed to have lunch to catch up. He then asked me out again and we've been together ever since, it's been about 8 months now since we met up again.I was a virgin before I met him and he wasn't. He's told me about past GF's and how many one night stands he's had.The other night we were talking about past relationships and he told me how after I 'dumped' him he was set up with some girl and how he slept with her within the first week of knowing her. When I asked why he stopped seeing her he said that things between them just 'didn't work out.' When I asked why he didn't tell me about her before he said he 'forgot.'I know that it's none of my business what he did after I 'dumped' him. To him, that was it, I didn't want to see him anymore and so he was free to do what he wanted. But this bothers me and I don't know why.I asked him if he was with her when we started to see each other again and he says he wasn't. I do believe him and don't see a reason he would lie, but this situation still bothers me. He told me that he saw her a few times, slept with her once and that they just stopped talking. But he also said that if he'd ran into me a few weeks later that things may have been different...so I wonder if he was still seeing her but then broke it off when he ran into me...argh!!!I know that even if he was still seeing her when we met up again, he didn't really owe me anything...we only got together to catch up.I wonder if the fact that I was a virgin before him makes me so paranoid about some girl he slept with when he wasn't with me.He's the most amazing person ever, he treats me so well, respects me and cares about me. He told me that I need to stop thinking of these other girls before me because they don't matter to him, only I do. How do I get past my insecurities and the fact that he had a life before me, so that I can enjoy what I have with him now?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): just remember, he actually never even cheated on u. after a break up, guys usually will find something or someone to entertain them - like a companion. but most times it simply just nothing. it is like a post-break up thingy in guy's dictionary.
i am not saying it is right, but they are proud of this.. so give urself a break and take things slow..
A
female
reader, Isa123  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 You're not alone. Obsession with the exes happen. I'm a victim of it.
It's awful, I know. You keep comparing yourself to them. And you feel like you're no longer in your relationship but just always thinking about those girls.
Sweetie, the best thing to do is give your relationship faith. You're the girl in his life, make it worth while! Remind yourself that you are better than those girls. He is not going to look for someone like them. He wants YOU.
Good luck sweetie.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (19 April 2010):
 I mean he doesn't had to be a virgin and obviously loves you and care a lot about you. He started dating you after you dumped him because he cares about you so much.
Listen what he says he sound like a great guy and please don't worry about the past.
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