A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't really know where to begin and I dont know why I'm on the internet asking strangers for answers to something that probably can't be answered but I thought I was gay for about 10 years now and still don't know how to admit it. 10 years ago id recieve oral from gay men and tell myself i was just young and horny. Or watch gay porn and say anything would of made me cum at the time. Then I started sleeping with men, but again afterwards id tell myself I was just horny.. but as time has gone one, I'm more interested in men, how they look, the kissing scenes in porn make me wet, a fit bloke half naked makes me twinge, and a man on the end of me makes me rock solid and drop heavy. Don't get me wrong, I can still have sex with women and I sure do, because "thats what im.suppose to do isn't it" and if id never been near I man I might not even notice the difference, but id say when a women is touching it, or its inside one, its working at about 70% of its ability, meaning its hard enough, but only a man can take it too 100% too that next level. So, how do you ever get past the internalised denial?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): Pardon my typos!
"If that is the case; you don't have to officially do that, until you're emotionally and psychologically prepared to."
P.S.
Been there, and done that!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): Uhm, you don't really seem to be in denial! Your post is pretty graphic; and you've spelled it all out from a to z!
Maybe you should read it back to yourself. Seems pretty much like a true-confession to me!
Do you mean coming-out to family, friends, and other people? If that is the case; you don't have to officially do that; until you're emotionally and psychologically prepare to. Wait until you're in a mental frame-of-mind that you can handle their varying reactions. Family probably suspects, or already knows. Those who don't have a clue might be shocked; but they'll come to terms in their own time. Doesn't mean they'll accept it. They don't have to. It is what it is!
If you mean you can't admit it to yourself...I would say your actions speak louder than words.
Here, let me do it for you.
You are bisexual by sexual-orientation; with a leaning towards a higher attraction for men. You can keep it to yourself and share it with only the people you really trust. You ain't fooling any of the guys you've been with...I'm just saying!
Your closet has french-doors. Only one-half is shut; but the other door swings open and closed.
How's that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2020): Have you thought about therapy? Of course if you can afford it.Your denial is based on fear of rejection otherwise you would have been openly gay the way heterosexuals are openly heterosexual. For them it's a non-issue, since it's widely accept and there's no risk of rejection. Before you get past your denial you need to face your fears and to do that you need to know exactly what they are.An example. I grew up in a family where physical appearance was praised above all. Since I hadn't won the genetic lottery at birth when it came to height and bone structure, once I hit puberty I had to go to tremendous lengths to maintain what was called a "healthy" look. I ended up with bulimia, which I used as a tool to be a part of my own family, fearing their criticism and rejection.It took me a while to pinpoint what exactly I was afraid of. Then I started comparing my fear with what i was losing (my health!) and slowly regained control over my life.I also thought I was alone. It turned out not to be true, so maybe in your case finding those who are going through something similar might be of help.You need to work on your self confidence and accept the fact that some people you love and respect might be homophobic. That's on them and living a lie so that you can have them in your life is not worth it.One of my ex lovers (I cannot say bf, because technically he wasn't) turned out to be gay. Most people who know him were surprised. I was not. I have felt that he was hoping, since he was genuinely interested in me, that somehow i could help him have a "normal" life.He's not the first, or the last, gay men I found attractive or had a crush on. But I did learn, that sometimes people can project so strongly their ideas of who you are and what they need, that they do not see the real you.he hasn't hurt my feelings, but I know a woman who let him lead her along. He really did hurt her.So this is not just about you.
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