A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for about 2 years but we had what can only be described as a painful and traumatic break up. In the time we were apart (little over a year) we had no contact besides hearing snippets of information about each other from mutual friends and I was too hurt that it never really crossed my mind that we'd even be on speaking terms, much less get back together.Long story short, we got back together almost 3 months ago and we're happy to be with each other and happy to have a second chance however...While we were apart we both slept with other people and I'm not angry about it or anything but it just hurts to think about. We were each other's firsts and now I just feel like he isn't mine anymore. When he wants to have sex, I just think about the other girls and it makes me sad. Besides that, my own sex drive has completely plummeted from what it used to be and it could be partially due to a new birth control pill but in the past year I was very down and slept with more than a few guys who were just using me but at the time I felt too worthless to care and now I just have this negative association with sex.So as you can see, it's a combination of a few factors that make me too uncomfortable about sex to do it with my boyfriend even though I love him very much and want to be close to him in that way.What can I do to get past all this so we can have a normal sex life?
View related questions:
get back together, got back together, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Have you thought about making an appointment with your doctor to talk about your low sex drive and problems? Maybe you could get referred to a specialist who deals with these sort of cases so that they can help you professionally.
I know that it is always hard to think about a partner with other people. But at the end of the day most people have slept with more than one person. I understand you are not angry with him, nor you should be, but he shouldn't feel punished now. Just look at it positively at the end of the day it was you he came back to, it is you that he loves. He probably went through a hard patch as well when you broke up and seeked comfort by sleeping with others, but he came back to you, that should tell you something. Yes he may have had meaningless sex with some girls but it is you he loves and sex with someone you love is completely different and much more special. So you should feel proud that it is you he has found that with and nobody else.
As for you having a few rebound one night stand this has lowered your self esteem because you feel used and abused when you where at your lowest. So off course this is going to damage your sex drive and make you feel low. But you need to work through these issues. Trust your boyfriend and take things slowly. Be romantic with each other and organise special romantic nights and just relax and take things as they come.
|
