A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. We met on our first day moving into our university's campus accommodation, and fell for each other quickly. We decided to be "officially" a couple after 6 weeks and we've been quite inseparable since then. Seeing as we live in the same building we spend time together every day and sleep a few nights a week in each other's rooms. It feels like we've known each other years. I've been in bad relationships in the past and I know what they lacked, and now I have found it all with him. It's so comfortable. There's passion and experimentation and then there's also lots of everyday "snuggling and straight to sleep" days. There's no conflict. We have a big group of mutual friends. He gets along well with my family and I'll be travelling down to meet his soon. We've applied to be in the same campus apartment next year. We've got summer trip plans. It's pretty much perfect. So my brain has decided to step in and suggest everything is almost too good to be true and something is going to go wrong.I'm scared it's the wrong time for him. I'll be 23 next month, and he is 19. I took 3 years out after my final exams, and he came here straight from school. I've worked in 4 countries; he's never lived outside his village before. I've slept with a handful of people; he lost his virginity with me. I'm scared that we're in different stages in growing up and that he'll decide he wants to experience more. That he'll start to notice other girls soon, and wonder what it's like to sleep with someone else. There's truly not a bad bone in his body and I know he'd never dream of cheating, but the grass is always greener and I'm worried he'll want to return to the single life.He says he feels lucky, that he has everything he could want with me, and he tries to reassure me. We usually talk about everything and communicate really well, but I'm trying not to mention these fears too much now in case I upset him. I don't know how to explain that it's not that I don't trust him- I'm just worried I'm expecting too much of him. As far as I'm concerned I'm in this for the long haul, but I know when I was 19 I definitely wouldn't have been ready to settle into a long-term relationship (though at first I probably would have thought I was). I had time to get to know myself as a single person, and I don't want to deprive him of that.I believe I may have anxiety, and worries really just take me over. I am on a waiting list for counselling but for the time being I would just love some advice on how to stop these thoughts messing with my relationship! Can it be possible to be successful first time with finding a partner? Can guys be content with only having slept with one girl? Could I be stopping him from "finding himself" by encouraging him to be too settled too soon? So many worries, and I don't know how to stop over-thinking!
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (7 March 2016):
 You have only been together four months, so I think you need to slow down all these thoughts and just enjoy the relationship. Yes I agree he is quite young but that does not mean he wants to be single and sleep with lots of girls. Some men do while others don't. He is happy at the moment and so are you and that is all that matters, none of us know what the future will hold for us, but don't let the negative thoughts ruin your relationship. Just enjoy it while you are in the moment, get the help you need for your anxiety and let yourself be happy.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 March 2016):
 A person coming from a small town has a different mentality. If he's like people I know, who grew up in towns that are under the population of 10000 and had never travelled. It's very different if you had been to other places and can easily get influenced by pop culture, the trend. Small town people hold on to their traditional values. They meet their partners in high school, get married, and build a life together. They are satisfied with the little things in life. They will make you feel that love is so easy. It will be refreshing for you to date someone different from what you were used to. Things I hear from Ireland would be the fact that you have the lowest divorce rate in Europe (even lower in small towns) and people are family oriented. Things are definitely pointing to your favor so you should just go for it. If your love is strong, most men would be able to stop thinking about other women. I know you have this concern but you are not him. Don't do the thinking for him. Just assume that you two are happy, are in love, and a long term relationship is what naturally follows.
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