A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting a little worried about myself, I was involved with a guy for two years we meet in college and our relationship was merely a physical thing. But towards the end of our two year stint I started to develop feelings for him, and decided to tell him. Before that point I didn't care for him at all I was actually okay with just having a physical relationship! But immediately after I told him I had developed feelings for him he fell off the face of the earth and I haven't heard from him in months. I thought maybe he didn't respond because he truly didn't want to be in a relationship, but I later found out that not even a month after we stopped hanging out he had gotten a girlfriend! I was completely crushed and since then I haven't been myself. I drink everyday, and no I'm not exaggerating, every day not copious amounts but enough to make sleep come easy. And I never go out anymore nor do I have the desire too! I could care less about my weight which the drinking isn't helping with. I'm always tired, days that I don't have to go to work I will literally stay in bed all day. Why is it so hard for me to let this go? I mean this guy really did a number on me my self esteem is shot and I have no hope of anything in my life being enjoyable how do I get over this??? Will it ever get better?
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female
reader, Lucy79  +, writes (19 June 2010):
Yes it will get better :)
But it sounds like you will have to put some work in too that.
Broken hearts can take months, even years to mend, and it might not completely ´heal´ and it becomes what ill just call ´life experiance´ or something :)
When I read your post it comes across to me you have self esteem issues and that this relationship with this guy is something your pinpointing it on.
You gave yourself to him and he turned you down, he went on with his life and even got someone else.
Thats rough to deal with, but it happens to all of us!
You are preventing the healing process though.
Drinking (alone) on a daily basis, no matter how little the amount, is not doing you any good. I am not even talking about what alchol does to your mind and body, but you are (like you are saying yourself) drinking out of the need to make you fall asleep. This way you are making yourself dependant on it, and you probably already are on a mental level if not on a physical level aswell.
This is a dangerous process because over time your body will want more and more.
Being tired all the time could have tons of reasons, drinking will definatly not have a good effect on this, but there could also be a completely diffrent reason.
I definately advise you to go see a docter about it and be honest to him/her. The docter will probably tell you to stop your drinking habits before testing you for anything else. A healthy diet and a steady rythem will give you more energy and will make you sleep better.
Maybe the docter will sent you to talk with a specialist.
If you dont feel like you can do this on your own then ask for help, either from professionals or from family and friends.
Do not be ashamed to confide in people cause I can guarantee you a lot of people can relate to this and have gone through it aswell.
My worst broken heart turned my life up side down, for months I played the ´I am doing fine, really´ girl, untill one day I couldnt take it anymore and I phoned friends and family and simply asked them to help me.
The months after I would almost systematically do fun stuff with them and talk, talk talk!
Ofcourse I really didnt feel like going out, and I felt a bit of a loser at some times, but in the end I was doing it for myself.
Before I knew it I would wake up in the morning and the first thing on my mind was not him, then it was a few days he wouldnt crossed my mind, then a week and before I knew it he did not have a temp spot in my mind anymore!
As simple as it sounds, doing stuff will prevent you from focussing on the negative, you are kinda trying that already with the drinking, but that wont solve the problem.
To enjoy your life again you really need to make it happen yourself. From sitting alone in your house things wont get any better, like you are experiancing right now.
And one tip I found that worked very well for me; being positive will attract positive. Smile to friends/co-workers/or the lady on the subway, be interested in them, you will find that they will return the favor!
sorry for this loooooooong answer!
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