A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's official folks - they're dating!!!How do you get over a massive blow to the Ego when the man who you were seeing suddenly moves on to another woman and makes a bold announcement on his Facebook page to further kick you in the guts?Years ago you would just hear through the grapevine that your ex was dating - now it's like a full page advertisement and it hurts. How do I get over it? And no - I'm not looking him up intentionally - just seen it on my news feed!
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (9 September 2015):
Remove him from your friends list. I think you can block some-one from your news feed, but to be honest why would you even want him on your friends list anyway? Remove him, and let him get on with it. WiseOwlE once again is right: grow a thicker skin. You actually just need to do things to distract yourself. If you’re moping and thinking about him, arrange to meet a friend, go for a walk, or just do something else more productive.
I wish you all the very best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2015): It takes nothing short of growing a thicker skin, and avoiding updates on social media about your ex. If you live in the same town, running into each other is unavoidable. Reading someone's updates on Facebook is a voluntary act. You can block your feed and completely go no contact. Even if they do update or Instagram their brains out.
People often use social media to attack or indirectly attack their exes. You live in a different world since social media has now become a modern way of publicizing more than people really need to know. So like anything else, you follow the old "sticks and stones" rule; and let it roll off your back.
Don't give him the narcissistic supply he needs; knowing he can remotely control your feelings. He is putting on the performance for your benefit, and it makes him happy to know that you can't help but read it all and weep.
No contact means disassociating, cutting off all means of contact, and ignoring what you're told; even if it burns you up. He's your sloppy leftovers, and she's feeding on the scraps. You're over and done with the irreconcilable differences that tore you apart. Both parties contributed to the breakup; so don't pretend he's 100% at fault. If you ignored signs he was no good; it's your fault you didn't protect your feelings and allow common-sense to overrule your emotions.
Egos grow back. It takes time to rebuild confidence and to get-over the grief of loss. Just don't over-nurture your ego; because it will come across as arrogance. It's embarrassing to be dumped for someone else. I know exactly how that feels. You don't let them see you suffer, and you don't empower them by letting on that you are upset.
Work hard at ignoring what he's doing and whom he's with.
Focus on you, your life, and use what you've learn to avoid future mistakes. Getting over a loss takes time and healing; and you are still in the process of detachment.
There is no immediate way to get past the feelings and nasty painful emotions after a breakup. You simply have to ride them out. In the end, when you come out on the other side, you feel stronger and invigorated. Free and independent. If he hasn't changed, she's simply going to go through the same crap you endured until it ended.
Keep your chin up and maintain your dignity. That's what I did. I wrote some articles for DC, and I help others. It helped me get through the pain. Yes, he did find someone two months after dumping me. After I got past my healing process, which was long and strenuous; I met a wonderful guy. The happy ending comes if you fight your way back. I created my own happy ending. I didn't need anyone to give it to me. I took care of myself, got closer to my friends and family; and I forgave him. I haven't spoken to him since he dumped me. I'm just find about that. He's now just a memory that I share with readers, when I look back to see how far I've come.
Sweetie, you're going to be just fine! It takes time.
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