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male
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anonymous
writes:My wife of 48 years lost her virginity when she was 14.To this day I cannot get over it even though she told me about it while dating prior to getting married.How do I get over this awful feeling of not being the first with her especially since I have never had sex with a virgin ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Thank you folks for all your responses. They certainly helped. I guess it is a matter of culture and the American culture is so radically different from mine. The good news however is that try as I did to sever this relationship before it turned into marriage, I just could not do it because of her love and devotion to me and doing so many things that were pleasing in my sight and to my body.So all you folks did me a great favor and as some of you said there aren't many more years left for me on this planet so I may as well suck it up and enjoy life.This is indeed a great web site. I wish I had known about it before.Love and peace to all of you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): baby duck, I don't agree that it's entirely possible for him to change his mind. This guy has failed to conquer his painful feelings about this for 48 years. If that doesn't prove that he is not able to "just get over it," then may I ask, what would?The popular solution for people stuck like this to be told "you can get over it if you really want to." But for a whole lot of people this is not true.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): You don't. You just accept it. A lot of things in life you just accept or you go insane. I think your dwelling on this is about control. You wanted to be the first with your wife of 48 years but you couldn't control that. Maybe you're a big shot industrialist and in this so intimate partnership you weren't able to control the whole picture. Well, life's like that. You're human with feet of clay. You don't own her so your taking issue with HER decision is a moot point. You need to accept HER decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Like what you said there baby duck, that was fun to read.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Lets face it, he made a commitment to this women, and 48 years later that commitment still stands. If it was such a big pre marital issue (as he said it was) then he should've married a virgin instead!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Everyone tries to fix emotion by throwing logic at it. Waste of time. The only good thing that can come from all these discussions is that sooner or later maybe the culture will stop ignoring this problem. Maybe eventually we will stop trying to lie to ourselves that this isn't a "real" problem or that it will someday go away. It won't. This is a perfect example, 48 years and this guy still wrestles with it today.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): You are just a couple of years away from your golden anniversary, how can you be thinking along these lines? I suggest you start thinking about the achievement you have made with your wife of 48 years, respect and appreciate the fact that she had chosen you and not the others.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Oops. I meant "she is completely yours."
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reader, Stephen Stewart Nixon  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 Get a life, is that all you have to worry about? Every thing in life is relevant, if something terrible happened to you or your wife would you be obsessing about such a trivial matter. This is 2009 not 1909; virginity is only a big deal to teenagers. Don't get me wrong I realize that in your mind it seems like a big deal but in reality it isn't. There are so many dangers in this life from accidents and ill health to thugs and murderers. Honestly focus on the fact that you are alive and well and have a woman who loves you. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Just think: she's been married to you for 48 years. That should be enough to show you that you are completely hers. Since you two have been married so long, I doubt she even thinks of anyone she's had sex with before you. You are obviously the person who has gotten to keep her throughout her life, and I doubt that will change. Just be rational and realize that if she's been with you all this time, then no other previous guy matters to her anymore.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2009):
 There are NO take back's on virginity. So why 48 years of marriage later does it still bother you? It makes no sense to me at all. If her virginity meant THAT much you should never have married her in the first place..
Now you look back on those 48 years together and tell me if you regret those?
I am willing to bet that IF she could take it back she would have preferred that you HAD been her first.
Sometimes we don't meet THE ONE first time around. You.. GOT LUCKY! So quit obsessing over it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): You can't let this bother you. I have only had one sexual partner (my current boyfriend). However, my boyfriend had several girlfriends before we met! It used to really bother me, but now I just think that out of all the people hes been with - he choose to spend his life with me. I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Was she your first? I can understand that you think it would be much more special if you had both lost it to each other, but there's so much more to a person and their past than who they lost their virginity to. I assume apart from this eating at away you, you've had otherwise a good 48 years of marriage with her. Why continue to let it get to you? It's in the past, what matters is who she is now, and who's she's been throughout your marriage. There's no 'getting over it', you just have to accept that this is something that is and always was out of your control. She's with you now, and has been for almost half a century! I think that counts a tonne more for something than some loser she lost her virginity to.
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