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female
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anonymous
writes: I recently got into my boyfriend's e-mail account because he forgot to sign off and I got curious. I looked at his messages found out that about 3 months ago, he signed onto a dating site. We have been dating exclusively for over a year and a half. The messages didn't go too far because he abruptly ended the conversations with these women. He told me he never met any of these women and I believe him based on the messages. However, I am still so deeply hurt. I know I shouldn't have snooped but I accidentally found some of these women's pics on his computer by mistake and just wanted to see if past his explaination was truthful. I never had any reason to mistrust him before. He told me that during this time, we started talking about the possibility of getting married and he got really nervous and wanted to see if I am the right one for him. He said he never meant to do anything more than just reaffirm his feelings for me....Should I believe him? He constantly tells me that he loves me but is so reluctant to commit...He is willing to see a counselor about the reasoning his reluctance to commit. My question is, how do I get over this distrust and will he ever commit?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Unless the messages were particularly inappropriate, I'd say you should trust your gut. If you think he's really the nice guy that he sounds like he is, I'd say you should cut him some slack.
I signed up on Match.com when my bf and I were having problems, and I didn't mean anything by it. I had absolutely no intention of meeting anyone; I wasn't really looking, even. I just wanted to see what else was out there and know that I still wasn't interested - that sticking it out through the tough times was the right decision.
So if the messages weren't inappropriate, he never met any of these women, he's apologized completely, there were some background reasons that can explain (though not excuse) his behavior, those reasons appear to be gone or at least he's willing to go to counseling to work on them ... Love is forgiveness. Let him make it up to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): well i dont usally go for second chances but this guy seems like he wants to make this work, so maybe go along with him to the conciling sessions to see how things work out, i really think he went and did a stupid thing he could have done other things to prove to himself that you is what he wants. i think talking to the councilor will really help with you trying to deal with the trust issues, weather he will commit is a big question and really it is up to him to stop being imature, i think he needs to prove himself to you, personally if i was in your situation the moment i read the emails i would have just left him and not looked back, i would have thrown the evidence in his face and walked out b4 he got a chance to open his mouth.
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