A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend about 14 months ago. We had been in an open relationship for just over 2 years. He had been seeing another woman(who was actually a close friend of mine)for the last few months of our relationship until he decided he loved her more so broke up with me. I was devastated because I didn't see it coming at all and she was a good friend so needless to say I haven't spoken to either of them since.All through our relationship he swore blind he wasn't into the whole settling down, marriage, kids, etc. Today I logged into facebook for the first time in ages to discover they are expecting a baby at christmas and will be getting married next summer!I'm so angry. I thought I was over the whole thing but not its really bugging me and I feel so jealous.How do I make it stop?! ps. Before anyone suggests it I have already deleted both of them off my fb
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 June 2013):
 Open relationships rarely work long-term from what I have seen. One person seems to decide that is it NOT what they REALLY want.
I have never gotten the idea of an open relationship, why not just be single and do as you please (but I digress).
Maybe they (as hurtful as that might be) are a better match. maybe they want the same things, maybe they are more in sync? Who knows.
I can imagine that is sucks to see them "happy" together. Maybe however, it will give you a boost to go find your OWN happiness? He obviously wasn't it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): Like someone mentioned, it doesn't mean anything about YOU. I think the whole issue here is that with this whole open relationship thing- it presents shedloads of opportunities to get close to other people- forming sexual/ emotional relationships is not allowed with exclusivity- but there is so much freedom to do this- anyone will tell you, with sexual intimacy, emotional connections almost always develop. Therefore chances are a lot higher something like this will happen... You must be a very secure person to be ok with the whole open thi g- and with a friend as well? It's refreshing, so many people will envy you, but maybe, too secure with things? Almost as if it appeared to him as if you weren't completely bothered about the relationship? But you haven't done anything wrong, don't dwell on that if so, everyone's different.Also it's pretty crushing to log onto fb and find it out that way! I mean jeez some people really need to consider how they would feel if somebody did the same thing to them! It's like people need to be brained with a brick in order to understand they shouldn't do that to others.... Haha. :// Anyway agreed- just eradicate them both from your life. You're on the right track. But be warned there will prob come a time when you think you're going mad and you need closure... Its natural. Look back on the advice here, have some CBT if you feel like cracking up, write your thoughts feelings down, then burn them! :)Good luck Xx
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 June 2013):
You need to come to the realization that this has nothing to do with you. He didn't love her more, he was more compatible with her. It happens, and there's no reason to take it personally (easier said than done).
He didn't want kids/marriage because of the compatibility factor.
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A
female
reader, indee15 +, writes (19 June 2013):
 It's good that you deleted both off of your facebook. The next thing you should try to do is to focus on you. Spoil yourself, get your hair done, nails done, go shopping etc. The third thing you should do is to go out with your friends somewhere nice and just have a good time. Get a drink or two. Meet new people, have fun. The world does not revolve around your ex, the world is so much bigger than that. You are one step closer to finding your true soulmate. I wish you the best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): I think you set the bar low for this relationship...so low that he took off with your own friend. Are you into open relationships? Maybe deep down he wasn't. At the time, he thought it was exciting and adventurous but didn't see your mentality as long-term. Guy's don't want to share their wife. Don't believe a guy when he says he is not into "settling down." When a man is in love he will go to great lengths and do ANYTHING for that girl. I mean the Taj Mahal was built for a woman by the man who loved her. If a guy says he doesn't want to settle down, it just means he doesn't want to settle down with you, in particular. If you are into the whole open relationship thing, then find a guy who can see himself having that type of relationship in the long term. A guy who wants to settle down and marry as well as keep his options open. If you are not into open relationships and were just doing it to gain points and please a guy, you will find that you may get walked over time and time again. To alot of guys it is appealing as long as there are no strings attached for anything long term. If you want to settle down I would revert back to more traditional types of dating.
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