A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need advice on how to get over someone. It's really complicated because we have never been in a relationship , but I feel like I have fallen harder than ever before, and also have been kept dangling by him because he knows I really lik him. I don't see him all the time as he works away, when I haven't seen him for ages I feel like I'm over the whole thing, but then he comes back and I feel like I'm back to square one again. I want to be with him, and he leaves me feeling like I'm not quite good enough. Any advice for this, honestly I've got over long-term relationships quicker Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): I was in the same situation as you with a man. Our "friendship" went on for 5 years. We never had a relationship, but I fell madly in love with him and he knew it. We did sleep together twice in the first year, but nothing physical after that, not even kissing. Like you, we would have weeks and sometimes months of silence during which I would start to feel easier about the situation. Then he would swing back into my life again, scoop me up and take me somewhere wonderful and fun and I would be lost all over again. I think he just loved the idea that I was in love with him - it boosted his ego. And, when he was short of female adoration he would pop back into my life again.Eventually, I had to toughen up and save myself. So I told him in no uncertain terms exactly how much I loved and wanted him. And I told him that, because I knew that he didn't feel the same and we would never be together I was ending our friendship. Surprisingly, it felt really good. And even more surprisingly, he was devastated. But I stuck to my guns and have not seen him since. That was over 4 years ago and, two years after I ended our friendship, I met the wonderful man I am now with. So, the only way you can get over this is:(a) End the friendship/relationship. Be firm and end it.(b) Once you have ended it, do not have any kind of contact with your man friend - no phone calls, letters, email, texts, facebook, IM, nothing. Totally no contact because that it the only way you will get over him.(c) Immerse yourself in hobbies you love, get new hobbies, go out with friends, join clubs, go to your place of worship more often, spend more time with your family. Basically keep busy. (d) Time will do the rest.I wish you the very very best of luck.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 April 2017):
 I have been in the exact same situation, still in the process of getting over it to be honest. It is getting a lot easier now though.
Here's a few points that I think may of made it so hard for me, maybe some of these apply to you, maybe not:
- The unpredictable nature of it
Both being single we could still technically do whatever we wanted which I guess made it exciting but looking back, for the wring reasons.
- How 'passionate' it was
It felt like we both were just 'made' for each other. Everything about it just felt right from the chemistry down to the sex and even though we weren't together I couldn't see having the same connection with someone else.
- 'It will happen sooner or later'
I started telling myself that we will get together soon. No matter how much we argued we would always make up and I'd continue telling myself we will be in a relationship before I know it. I was basically leading myself on with these kind of thoughts.
These are the main things I think it was for myself. We have since ended up having a 'clear the air' discussion which has made me feel better about the situation, maybe similar could help for yourself? If you're not going to get together you need to be honest with yourself, I think I fell in love with the idea of what we COULD of been and I think the same think could of happened for you. We discussed how we felt and the reasons we can't be together (she is going travelling for a few years). It hurts to hear but it made me feel more at peace with it all and I'm no longer mad at her so I feel ill finally be able to get over it all.
It's not right or healthy to just keep going with it. Since I last spoke to her I've blocked her on everything and when we see each other on nights out we no longer speak. It feels weird considering we were in each others life for a good while and very close, but it's the right thing.
Either discuss where you stand or remove him from your life completely and try to move forward.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, mad stacey +, writes (3 April 2017):
Why do you need to see him when he comes back just keep away dont make excuses to see him move on
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