A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'd like some advice from anyone who has a boyfriend/girlfriend who has slept with lots of other people before them. I can't seem to get past it and it's causing problems between me and the person of my dreams. Please help, thanks.
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male
reader, Pyroshadow  +, writes (30 August 2009):
I know this is an old question by my thread might help anyone who stubbles upon this question.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-her-promicuous-past-including.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): hi i stumbled on your question on google search. i have been trying to get over my partner's sexual past for 2 months now and i would really like to know how to do it. i think the first step is to realize that i am the one with insecurities, jealousy. and second, realizing that i am ok with or without him. this is not to encourage ending the relatonship. but he will just have to deal with it, how i feel cannot be denied.third, just focus on what i have now. and not of how sick and twisted the fetish that boyfriend did
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2006): Check the "why can't i get my girlfriends past sex life out of my head" thread. It has 49 responses some of which were excellent.
I'm a guy who's in the same position as you. The thread doesn't have any answers, cause as I think you'll find there really isn't any "answer" to something that is a done and done fact you can't change. It does have a lot of replies that will help you better articulate what it is you feel and let you know you are not alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2006): So many people have the same experiences and feelings you have. I have a wonderful man in my life who had a history of 'sexual experience' with many lovers, in his past. I had some problems with this issue until I quickly realized it was an unhealthy, compulsive way of thinking that was damaging. I knew he loved me and was committed to me so I quickly realized how my thought processes and attitudes were going to destroy the happiness we did have. I did some work on myself. I came to the conclusion that these negative, compulsive thoughts- was an unfolding of my own fears. Fears of not measuring up..fears that he was comparing me. And the more frightened you are, the more righteous and angry you become and the more others you love, appear to be at fault-when in fact-they have done nothing! I sat him down and we talked and talked. I opened up and was vulnerable and let my thoughts and feelings flow. Being the wonderfully loving man he is..he reassured me and out bond has deepened. Dear, you can't change his past and neither can he. Accept it and just make a promise to yourself to be happy with who you are and relish in your partner's love for you. You are the special woman, he wants to find love and intimacy with. Intimacy allows every moment..every circumstance with your loved one...to become a gift. Put his past behind you and step into the future with him. Relationships and love will always be a journey into vulnerability and when you are constantly being rigid and angry about his past, you will never trust him and you shortchange yourself to finding happiness with this man. It's a change of attitude, dear. So trust him! Trust is foundational in a relationship..it's the core building block. Without trust you have nothing. Just change your thought processes-become more insightful and mature..learn to accept him the way he is. Choosing not to act, think or say something on an angry impulse over his past..is a very courageous thing to do. It takes strength and the love of the most important person..yourself. Good luck. I understand and I wish you well.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (23 January 2006):
 If you trully want to be with someone, you will look at who they are now, not who they were in the past. It is unfair for you to judge them on things they did (there are exceptions to this such as murder, rape, and other horrendous crimes ofcourse) before you knew them. If you just can't get over it, I would advise you to stop torturing the person you are with by degrading them for their past and let them go, it is never good to spend your life feeling like you can't measure up to the picture someone has of what you should be, not what you are. Good luck.
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