A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm just looking for some advice and insight about some sticky bits in my relationship (our sticky bits? haha). We've been dating for half a year and only started sleeping together in the last two months. He's in his late 20s and older than me, and we're both students (he's in grad school, I'm finishing undergrad).The problem: He's sexually inexperienced, cautious, and unsure, and that makes me feel awkward/shy/stupid. It's really a big turn off! I also apparently have a lot of hangups and a low sex drive. (Part of me is scared and grossed out by sex. I only realized this recently!)I've gotten off with him once at the beginning, but I guess I take too long and haven't since then. I went down on him once and he went limp within minutes. I have a hard time touching him and being assertive as it is! Also, he has a really small/thin penis, I can't feel him inside me, and sex is short. It's like... what's the point? It shouldn't have to be this hard, right? How do I get over my hangups about being an active participant in sex and not just laying there and being afraid to touch him? I really love our relationship except for all this. Is it normal that I'd almost always rather just cuddle than make out? Or am I supposed to want to jump him 24/7? Have you ever been in a situation like this?Thank you guys so much!
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limp, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sweetheart03  +, writes (20 April 2008):
Maybe when you have sex close your eyez and try and relax. Don't be so worried about what's going on. Try getting on top of him kiss his ear and all over his body. Try riding him since his penis is small and grind him this should please you if you move the right way. But it may just be bad sex! You can be wit someone who just doesn't do it for you.......so try and relax if that doesn't work watch a movie and get some tips.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2008):
 If you love this relationship , you should be able to overcome this shortcomings.
Maybe you could invest in a vibrator or dildo for more pleasure.
Non penetrative sex is just as enjoyable if you know how to pleasure each other .
This comes with more practice and experience.
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A
male
reader, Deano1050  +, writes (20 April 2008):
Hi was just reading ur letter, their is nothing wrong with just wanting to cuddle up. Dont feel pressured into having sex if you really dont want to ! their is more to a relationship, when your both relaxed you can tell him what you like and what you dont, i feel a bit Sory for him about the description you say about his penis ! But if you cant feel him inside you maybe try other positions, sex shouldnt be fun not scary you need to both take your time dont rush into it and relax, your be all over each other!
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