A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I get over my backstabbing friend? We were friends to start with and then she started flirting with this guy I know who was friends with me too.At first it was all done lightheartedly, but then bit by bit she started to cause trouble between me and this guy, spreading rumours about me, etc. I realised she was after him and wanted to come between us and eventually they started dating.Now I don't mind the fact they are dating - but In the end this guy started to believe her over me and began to distance himself from me and now we don't speak at all.She stirred up a lot of trouble and I can't forgive her. It makes me so angry that I was friends with them and now she has caused a rift between us. The guy won't speak to me either as he knows I dislike and distrust this girl.What should I do about her? I can't stop thinking about the damage she's caused. It's all so unfair!!
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 September 2015):
 She's an idiot who saw you as a threat instead of as a friend. She then decided to undermine you because she wants you to stay away.
Let me tell you what your ultimate vindication will be:
She's CONTROLLING. She's going to soon do that with ALL of his friends, girl or boy. She'll monitor what he does, start accusing him or guilting him or manipulating him into doing what she wants. He is a conflict avoider, which is why he is stepping away from you.
She's not your friend. Don't waste another thought on her, because she's not worth it. In fact, imagine her a a massive weighted chain that's been wrung around this guy's neck that will keep squeezing.
She controls. She'll jockey for power within that relationship. He's either going to break or he's going to break away.
Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of either dating him after she's done with him OR talking to her in a fit of nostalgia if she says anything conciliatory to you. She's shown you her true colors. Never forget them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): you are seeing the course of devious destruction your previous friend caused in your relationships with others and hitting the wall when you try to figure things out regarding the how (which you see retrospectively) and the why (which you understand the motivation for)but then you are left with a barrel load of negative feeling and anger at yourself for being caught in a secretly laid trap.You are not the first person to feel like this and that white hot anger can be all consumming so i suggest you concentrate on removing the emotional debris thats manifesting as anger.Knowing you are spiritually and morally better than them is not always enough so you need to dissipate this anger through a sport such as squash, which you may discover you are particukarly good at,or swimming which is relaxing.If you rewind you will see that you were caught in a rather nasty situation between two people who posed as friend but did not have the calibre to be anything more than enemies.Words to their face may achieve nothing because they implemented quite a lot of their plans.It would be a retrogressive step to try to even enlighten the guy about her devious words because they throve on them, their entire little nest was built on the words of a vioer which is as terrible a beginning as anyone can dream up. Who knows where the course of their devious actions will take them,but it is generally not considered prudent fir the potential previous victim to go bacj to clear the air,to set facts straight or forensically examine the truth.They banked on your kind trustful relationship but they recognised each other as devious undermining gravilisious souls at first glance.They needed you but resented your presence but you can say what you like,they are so far invested in their cocktail of deceit that it wouldnt change anything in their psyches.You should be thankful of her devious lies towards and about you because they paved the anger that gave you the energy to rise above them and away from them.He is not a helpless hapless puppet because she concocted her stories,no,he is complicit and probably created a few devious ammendments himself.You need to avoid these two ,you may refer publicly to her forked tongue if you must,but you dont want to interact further with either of them.You can dismiss them.Who needs enemies with friends like that!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 September 2015):
 You don't need to forgive her but forgetting her would be my advice. There is nothing victorious about her feeling the need to smear your character in fear of her not being able to snag a man because she is doubtful of her own. If he were indeed a friend as you thought he would at least be decent enough to give you the benefit of the doubt and come speak with you.
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A
female
reader, Blue10  +, writes (12 September 2015):
I was screwed over by a friend too and even I'm heeding the advice the others have given
Use it
Rise up you're better than both
Believe it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): You can't be tried and convicted without facts and evidence.
If she has no evidence to support what she has told him about you, he only believes her because he likes her and wants to.
How can she do so much damage, if they're all lies? If losing him is the only loss you're talking about, cut your losses and just move on. The damage is mostly in your mind; and your jealousy is blowing it all out of proportion. Have you lost friends, a job, is your family turned against you? Or did you just get dissed and rejected by that knucklehead? He either made his choice with his penis; or she was able to prove what she told him. Maybe both!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): You're wasting energy being scorned by someone who competed for the same guy. She was willing to do anything to get him; and saw you as fierce competition. Thus she has to use underhanded tactics. If he's dumb enough to want a woman like that; they deserve each other. By the way, you're forgetting the fact he has free-will; and always had the option to choose. He believes her, because he wants to. Maybe he always liked her better.
If he can't trust you, then the hell with him anyway? Right?
Sweetheart, being scorned gives her way too much victory and power over your feelings. She wanted him really bad; because she knew it was so easy for you to get him. She had to drive you away, and poison his mind. You have attributes she finds threatening, and to take something from you boosts her self-esteem. Women who fight over men usually lose them anyway. They own him like a trophy, and will treat him like property. Her jealousy and possessiveness will drive him away. Don't wait for her scraps. Let her have him. He's tainted with her now.
He sounds stupid to me. I base how I feel on what I know, not just what I'm told. He'll discover the person she really is; but he is obviously too young and inexperienced with women to know the difference.
He wasn't yours to begin with. He wasn't committed to you; and he was a crush. He didn't make a serious effort to draw you closer; maybe because she was the one he really wanted in the first place. He has two good-looking women fighting over him. He was in his glory, as a man. It's not worth being bitter and scornful over. He didn't like you enough to dismiss her lies. He was stupid enough to believe them.
Let it go.
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