A
female
age
30-35,
*ilPixie
writes:I know I've been posting a fair few questions lately, but I really need help with this...I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months now, I'm 17 and he's just turned 21 and we're in a LDR. So far he's never given me a reason not to trust him, but I always get paranoid about everything he does!I would never stop him from seeing his friends or going out with them, but when he does I always get so scared he may find someone else... Also, for some reason it has been bothering me so much that he has had 3 girls before me and has slept with 2 of them (he's my first). It just really hurts to think about him having done the same things that we do together with them! And I always get scared he might want one of them back, even though he doesn't (all 3 have cheated on him).Before we got together, or even met, I never thought I would be the jealous, clingy or controlling type of girlfriend... Now, I'm not controlling, I let him do what he wants, though I do tell him if I don't like it.. But I'm so worried that it will get to the stage where I stop him from going out because I don't want to be like that.It just hurts so much always thinking about him being with someone else... And worrying he might want someone else! It's been getting to me so much and I really am hating myself for it! He too always gets paranoid about the things I do, which I'm not surprised about after being cheated on by 3 different people, but I'm thinking that maybe some of that might have rubbed of on me??He really never has given me a reason to think or feel this way, he's the best boyfriend I ever could have imagined!! I just really need some help on how to get over this! It's tearing me apart inside and I don't want it to effect our relationship.Thanks to anyone who reads and/ or reply to this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): You realize that he has a RIGHT to his past, and it's NONE of your business and that by fixating on this your're going to screw up a good realtionship... Now, grow up, and if you can't your NOT READY for a relationship... you have no right to judge anyone... let it go- he's made a decision to be with you, and if you can't grow up, he's going to realize that he's made a mistake.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): I'm sorry if my advice isn't very helpful but I know how you feel about thinking about your boyfriend's previous sexual partners, it cuts me up to think about my girlfriend's (ex girlfriend now) two previous partners and even though she didn't like them it still hurts a lot to think about her being physically close to someone else, so I think that feeling is normal. I guess you might be more paranoid than he is because he was your first and you might be worried he might compare you to them? He's with you now, he obviously wants to be with you more than those other girls and if he's been cheated on in the past it probably means he's less likely to cheat than most people because he knows how it feels.
All I can say is please don't get controlling or posessive, it was me doing those things which ruined my relationship with my girlfriend and I don't think she'll ever want to be with me because of that, you have to just trust him until there is a reason not to. I know it's hard but just don't over think, trust him because he cares about you and try not to worry unless there is a reason to worry.
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