A
female
age
26-29,
*ayla5656
writes:o I'm 16 and have been dating this guy for a while. Two weeks before our two year anniversary, I got a call off a friend dating she caught him with another girl. I cried for hours and he begged for me back. On the next day he told me he didn't know why he did it and that it was a huge mistake so i took him back (stupidly). My ex and I had actually gone through a miscarriage and he blamed me when I lost the baby. I started going to therapy and didn't tell him and in September my contraception went wrong and I feel pregnant and miscarried again. I didn't want to tell him because of how disappointed he was in me the last time. The week when I took him back he told me he thinks he has depression and has done since he was 7. I told him maybe a relationship wasn't the best thing to put strain on him and so we decided to be best friends and we were and i have gotten over what he'd done. A couple days later he started seeing the girl he was cheating on me with... I got angry and decided there's no point yelling because I didn't want to upset him. (despite him making me feel like shit) So we were best friends and we went to Brighton for a day out. He kissed me and told me he missed me and that he stopped speaking to the other girl. I got so happy and took him back, but a couple days later we were hanging out watching a movie and laughing and he just tells me he's seeing ANOTHER girl. Everything built up and i needed to tell him about everything so I invited him out and he said he can't because he's meeting his new girlfriend's parents. I told him I really needed him and he just said no. This was today and i just thought I'd post. I'm in love with my ex and can't do no contact because he has been my best friend for so long and I don't have anyone else... I want to get over him without having to cut off contact. When I see him tomorrow I'm going to tell him about everything and ask him afterwards to actually be my friend and cheer me up as a friend and not as my ex and see if that works... I really need to get over him because this is too much. How do I get over my ex with all this history whilst still being best friends?
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anniversary, best friend, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): Stop getting pregnant and having unsafe sex, you are much too young for all this and a baby is the last thing you need
A
female
reader, Layla5656 +, writes (7 January 2015):
Layla5656 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really didn't want to lose him as a best friend. I told him everything and he just cried and apologized about not being there for me with the pregnancies and he apologized and said he didn't mean to blame me at all as it was no one's fault. We talked today and at one point in the heat of the moment he tried to kiss me and I said no because you're with someone else and he just thanked me for stopping him and thanked me for being his best friend. He said he's going to be here for me now 100% in our friendship with my counseling and stuff and he'll be there if and when I need him. So i guess is kind of a good turn out. I did want to at least get a friendship out of a bad situation and as long as he carries on as he was today then I think i can make it work. I told him obviously it would take me a while to fully get over the thought of him being with another girl but he said he's so grateful that I'm even trying. I know he doesn't deserve my friendship or kindness whatsoever but I don't just want to be sad for ages and so I'd rather attempt at smoothing things over and getting back to a good friendship and if not then hey ho it only means I've lost a friend :)
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (6 January 2015):
 Update us is the future if you wish!!
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (5 January 2015):
He is not good for you my dear. Despite you wanting to be friends with him. You are just used to him. And i know it seems difficult right now and all that history stays with you. But you need to give yourself some space. !st don't take him back again. And if you want to remain friends in future, just try to keep minimum contact with him and try doing things that you can do alone or with someone else. Giving yourself some time off from him will help you feel more stable. Then you can approach him as a friend when you feel you are ready. You don't deserve a heartbreak and you certainly need a friend who doesn't blame you for things you have no control over. Think about it.I know it feels like you can't live without him right now, but trust me, that changes sooner than you think Take care
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2015): Just make sure you have people around you who can help you, the therap will be great and a couple of close friends you trust to meet up with and just do things friends would do, cinema, shopping, whatever. Don't cut him out and leave yourself alone, return to friendships with your girlfriends. At your age boys generally are too immature to have a true friendship with a girl as they often try other things on.
You can do it, believe in yourself and want the best for yourself. Set out some ambitions, what career you'd like, places you'd like to see and focus on those as your goals. You have so much ahead of you, you can and will enjoy life xxx
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A
female
reader, Layla5656 +, writes (5 January 2015):
Layla5656 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I think i just need to admit to myself that he obviously does not care even as a friend. I think i need some time without him in my life so that I can work through everything else that's going on rather than putting him first as he clearly puts me and my feelings at the bottom of his list. I think i just have to take the plunge, take your advice and cut him out. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2015): He is not good for you either my dear. Making you feel guilty over your birth control was a nasty, immature reaction. Boys, and he is just a boy from how you describe him, are too quick to remove all responsibility from themselves for the birth control. He should be using a condom while you are on the pill, while you are so young you should always use birth control and a condom. You don't want any more emotional pain of going through that, I really hope you are staying in therapy; please keep talking about your feelings there and that is the place to talk through the pain of your miscarriages and the relationship you had with him.He does not love you, he has shown that by his constant attention for other girls and you deserve much, much better than all of that. You may think you only want him, all you have known is him but there are so many better experiences than what you have had so far. In a relationship, you should feel wanted and cared for, they should want to spend time with you. Your time together as a couple should be filled with laughter, happiness and generally something added to your life.When that doesn't happen, especially as you are so young, you simply move on. That's not to say relationships are perfect, but when someone doesn't show you the respect you deserve that is the time to get out of it. There will be other people who show you how great a relationship can really be, but I recommend you spend some time really understanding yourself and what you want from life. Then you will, along the way, meet people who add to that and make your life better. Xxx
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (4 January 2015):
Oh and please don't tell him about your second miscarriage. You don't need to put yourself in the position of being guilted and shamed again. Not good.
~SY
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (4 January 2015):
I'm sorry, I really don't think that's an option. That's like an alcoholic trying not to take a beer from the fridge. It's much easier if it's kept out of the house altogether. It's easier to stop yourself from going to the store than it is to stop from going to the fridge. The history sounds messy and chaotic and dramatic. You can't see it now but take it from someone who has been there : once you're away from him and making different friends and have control over yourself, it will be better and it will be easier than you think. You need a clean start with someone who has not judged you for your miscarriage, or been disloyal. He's not a good friend, because he doesn't seem to care about hurting you. Someone who cheats and lies and blames and degrades is not a good boyfriend or friend. And you are allowing him to treat you poorly yet still have you there. He is not going to stop. You have to pull yourself up, and away from the situation so you can see how self destructive you are being. You can do this. He is not God, he is not the best thing that will ever happen to you, or had ever happened to anyone. He is not perfect or even decent, and he does not deserve to be desperately desired by the people he hurts. Stop enabling him. Again let me tell you - you CAN do this. Put on your badass chic panties and get a grip
~SY
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