A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there,I'm 16 years old, and have been 'in love' with this previous teacher of mine for nearly a year now. We flirted like hell (he was only 24) and ended up liking each other a lot. He promised me he'd come back to see me (he was from America), but never did. That was a year ago. I guess I only realised how passionate my feelings were for him after he left. I'm still in a stage of denial that he'll come back for me, although I think he's made it pretty clear that he's not, coming back for me. I think it's time I got over him. The only trouble is I don't know how to. I think I've tried everything to get him off my mind, but nothing never ever works and I'm sick of my whole life being affected by this one thing that happened a year ago. He's still the first person I think about when I wake up, and the last person I think about before I go to sleep. I have dreams about him still and I fantasize about him constantly, even during my classes at school where I should be concentrating. My social, family and my general lives are falling apart because I still haven't come to terms with the feelings I've accumulated for this man, and the feelings he had for me. I've tried talking to my friends, and they were supportive but they didn't understand. They all think, or expect, that I should've moved on now. I've tried talking to psychologists who scoffed at it, and my mother and sister thought it was pathetic. It is because of these reasons I am forced to fake a smile everyday when really all I want to do is cry. I hate feeling so useless, pathetic and weak, and I wish I could just move on. Does anyone know what this feels like? Does anyone know what to do? Please enlighten me with your advice! It would be very much appreciated. Thanks xxx
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female
reader, justme..x  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 No problem :D thanks for the response, hope you feel better soon :Dand, like I said, I'm here if you want/need someone to talk to about this :-) xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Hey thanks a million for all your advice, it's been the most constructive I've ever recieved.
I think you're right when you say I actually have to do something, and not just think about doing something.
Best of luck, and I'll let you know how it all pans out.
xxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (26 August 2009):
Hello :)I am genuinely sorry to hear how hard this is for you. I haven't been in your situation specifically, but I know all too well what loving a teacher for a long time is like. Fortunately my teacher is still around though! So, I can only begin to imagine how awful it must be knowing he's gone and is unlikely to come back...I think the first thing you need to do is honestly and completely accept that he is not coming back. You did state this, but you also said you were in denial. I think that the first stage to moving on is acceptance: harsh as it is, painful as it is, he is not coming back to see you. You need to mean it, squash any little chink of hope with the hard truth.That is probably the worst bit to be honest! Next, you need to pump up your self-esteem. So what if he isn't coming back, it doesn't mean you aren't a worthwhile person. There are plenty of guys - more suitable guys in fact - that will love you. You are just as good as anyone else.Next, I think you should get busy. This step might also be difficult, because I can imagine you can't concentrate, or can't be bothered with anything much at the moment. But you need to try. Start something new. Do something you're good at. Start off with little things, things you can do at home. Something academic is great ... will make you less able to think about him. Then, maybe take it a step further by joining a new club - this is even better as you meet new people too.Excercise is also great, because it is a stressbuster - you can work off some of the pain through physical activity, if you get me! It will also make you more tired, which might make you sleep more deeply, and perhaps you will avoid the dreams abouit him. You will also feel good about yourself if you get fitter.Once you have acheived all this, then put a positive light on the whole situation that has passed. Think: You were lucky to know this man, not unlucky because he didn't come back for you. Reflect on the good memories, not the bad, and then don't reflect so much at all. You got a man of 24 years old, interested in you!! You have set the mould for the perfect future man. I think, once you have that, you will be able to turn your back on the whole thing. I really hope you are able to at least try some of the points I suggested, or perhaps you will find your own ways. (Cliched as it is, time really does help as well). Feel free to send me a prvate message if you want someone to talk to about this.I hope you feel better soon, good luck, let me know how it goes xxxxxxx
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