A
female
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anonymous
writes:Whenever I'm in a relationship I end up always feeling down, sad, insecure and worry about lots of little things and fear the worst- me and my bf breaking up. I hate feeling like this as it totaly consumes me. But the thing is I dont know why I feel like this.Some people tell me its cuz im just insecure, some say its cuz ive never met the right guy and some say its because Im fearing what has happend in the past will happen again. How do i figure out which it is? and what do i do about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies :)
This is a thought I struggle with everyday, I dont really like myself but when I ask myself what it is I dont like, I cant think of one thing. I dont get why this is. I know that if they r with me then it must mean they like me, but what if they only like me for my looks or something? thats not good. I do worry about that, I worry about being used.
What has hapepned in the past that I fear happening so much? Well my ex bf used and abused me. Thats what im fearing happening again. BUTTTT when I was with him I felt this insecure as well and i hadnt had a bf before him...so that doesnt make sense really does it? :S
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Whatever happened in the past that you are so scared is obviously the route cause of this insecurity. Eve is quite right in what she says about this spilling over onto your partner and seriously damaging your relationship/s.
However, getting rid of those negative thoughts is easier said than done. Share your feelings with your partner if you think it will help. I think you need to talk about your experiences in the past and your feelings about those experiences, to either somebody you can trust will listern or else if you feel that is not enough then a counsellor might be a way forward; that is step one.
Step two is starting to do what Eve suggests and move on. You need to remember that the past is past, it's done with and what is matters is the here and now, and the future. Just because something has happened before does not mean it will happen again, in fact it never does in exactly the same way because all our experiences; bad and good are unique. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (16 February 2008):
 If you keep thinking negative thoughts all the time when you're in a relationship then that will spill over on your partner. Instead you need to enjoy being with them, have fun and let them see that you're fun to be with.
Is there something about yourself that you're not happy with that you think they'll leave you for? Do you feel insecure in case they meet someone else or that you're not good enough for them? If this is the case then you need to look at ways to get more confidence and self esteem. You need to learn to love yourself more. Everyone has good points and you have them too, it's knowing what these are and being happy with the person you are! Try to remember, any guy you go out with has chosen to go out with you for a reason! It could be the way you look, your bubbly personality or the fact you make him laugh. Think more positively about your relationships and that positivity will rub off on your partner.
What has happened in the past that you fear so much?
~Eve~
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