A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi how i have very low confidence, although it has improved and it some times really gets me down, or i cant reach my abilitys with it and i think it hampers my life, for example going clubbing i dont ever look forward to it i always dread it, i dont really chat to girls unless its under the circumstances that i favour, and i dread doing my driving lessons. what i personally think it boils down too is giving a fuck what people think... for example while driving i hate knowing ther is people watching and drivers waiting for me because i may be slow, why cant i think fuck it who cares? also when sociallising in big groups i get really shy and was dubbed the nick name 'mute' , i get shy and anxious because i dont wanna say somthing trying to be funny and it turns out ir isnt, again im giving a fuck what people think, and i cant start or continue conversations unless its under the circumstances that i favour. i get very self concious, wich is why i go to the gym alot and i feel i have to look perfect to feel confident, again i cant go out with shitty hair and think fuck it who cares... what an i do to get over all this? and act more confident?
View related questions:
clubbing, confidence, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): If I didn't know any better, I would say I wrote this. I experience the exact same things, worrying I'll say something stupid, try to be funny but fail, my hair isn't good enough, or people will think I'm ugly. I'm married so there's no way in hell I should care what others think since I don't have to attract them anyway. Still doesn't stop me from caring, though. I think the only way to overcome it is force yourself to go out regardless of whether you look good or not, and eventually you'll get so you don't care.
Also be thankful you're not a woman. We have to worry about our looks so much more than you do. Guys won't look twice at a woman with "shitty" hair, whereas girls will talk to a guy with shitty hair or no hair as long as he's pleasant to be around.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Hey man. Listen in my experience aboUt 90 percent of my self confidence comes from appearance. Why? Becoz that is what I found I needed the most to look good. That was because its what people gave the most shit about in my eyes. Be it rejection from women or comments from friends. It seemed to me like it was constantly there. So I changed. How? Took me years to get this body. Im huge now n naturally. Ripped? No. But I look damn good in a mirror finally n men do nothing but stare at me when I walk by. Intimidated. I like that feeling becoz I earned it n im proud for those assholes n women who made me who I am. I get laid without paying. I talk to women with great confidence. Im more outgoing n outspoken. Do whatever u gotta do to get over shit regardless of what others think or how silly it is. Hitting the gym could very well be your answer but u must be patient n very dedicated to training n eating. Once u see results ur confidence will slowly increase then youll feel it peak. My external looks has helped my inner confidence spread to other areas of life. How!? I dont know but I know what I needed to develop it and it feels incredible to not only not give a damn what ppl think but to also know theyll never look like as good as me or even kno wat it took for me to get so pissed off to do better than them in n out of the gym. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): Again as I always say, confidence is workable.
You cannot have confidence over night. its something you need to practice.
Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities and can vary from situation to situation. Its something you can work on. How? try to develop a healthy self esteem. Self esteem has something to do on how you feel about yourself over all.
When you love yourself, your self esteem improves and that makes you confident.
Forget about what other's has to say. you know why? because no one really cares. Other people has their own things to do. Its just on your mind that they care. They might look at you and see you in a different way, on how you do things. but after a few minutes they wont care at all.
Unless your Paris Hilton, and everything you do get sensationalize for a week or two.
How to gain self confidence?
If you really want to improve your self confidence, you need a lot of work to practice.
1. Observe your hygiene.
always take a bath. Brush your teeth. Carry a mouthwash.
So when someone get closer to you, your ready to flash a smile and wow them with your fresh breath.
Bad breath is a big turn off.
2. Knowledge is Power.
I'm just like you. If you wont talk to me, I wont talk to you. most people sez I'm quiet. I am. I don't have to try hard and I don't care. But I have a split personality, when it comes to my work, I am different.
I can strike a conversation with my clients, at any given topics. My secret, I update myself about things in general that might be the topic of conversation aside their business concerns. Say i'm talking to an old business woman, her interest may be about currency conversion, economy or her dogs, or maybe about beauty on how to stay young.
My oh my, you need to develop that talent. How? help yourself. Update yourself about things in general topics that would interest people.
3. Improve your looks.
I invested time, money and effort to get the look i desired. not for anyone BUT ME. I am happy to see myself pleasant to look at, at all times.
Because of that, People noticed me. They sometimes initiate conversation with me like, where did you buy your shoes? I like your necklace. Or wow nice blouse.
From there, i gained a lot of friends. So i'm not that quiet anymore. Cuz I get to know them. My looks help me to get to know a stranger. Its like, they speak for me. I don't know, but honestly my friend from work she always give me what the hell kind of look for talking to a stranger.
Strangers come to me and ask where do you get your shoes?
What's the color of your hair and even men will ask me? I can't believe it too. I don't have to say a word. My looks really speaks for me.
4. Think of qualities others say you excel in. Even if you believe them slightly, this is a step in the right direction.
5. Stop chatting with negative people.
People has always something bad to say.
Ignore them. IGnore, Ignore, Ignore.
Destructive criticism should and must be thrown in the garbage. you don't need it. Throw It. what a waste to listen to time waster's.
6. Start thinking Positive.
Love yourself. Love your own. No one can Love you as much as you do.
7. Most of all have a healthy spiritual life.
Pray and ask guidance to God at all times.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): Why don't you just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and dive into life with both feet.
Or...just continue to miss out on life, and worry about what everyone is thinking.
First,if I may ask...what makes you think all eyes are on you?
Really???
The world isn't going to stop in it's tracks to critique every move you make. Social awkwardness is the reason you must get out more. So you can overcome your fears of being scrutinized by your peers.
If you're out with your friends, what makes you think they would be preoccupied with locking eyes on "your" every move, and focusing on every word you say? They get used to your personality, and just accept you for who you are. If you're stumbling around like a blind-man, I guess you might get some unwanted attention.
Stay away from your video games; and hangout with people until you get used to doing what people do; when they're not behind a console. Ride a bike, jog, take walks.
Get out in public, and observe humans in their natural habitat.
Being around too many digital devices is turning people into agoraphobic shut-ins, who panic when they see daylight and/or a group of people.
They simply can't function without hiding behind a screen and a keyboard.
If you don't know how to carry on a conversation, listen to what other people talk about. Read or listen to the news, and get a hobby.
Make mistakes, let people laugh, and just suck it up. Pretend you did it on purpose. At least you got a laugh.
Learn to laugh at yourself. Don't be so serious all the time. Ever hear anyone tell you that before?
If you don't allow yourself to mix and mingle among the human race, you will always hide under a bridge like a troll. You are simply out of practice with interacting with people without a device.
That isn't life. All that anxiety is not how you should be behaving at your age.
Stop trying to be cool and just try relaxing and being yourself. A personality will develop if you just allow yourself to open up, adapt to your surroundings, and have some fun.
I get very concerned; because it is very disconcerting when our youth are so consumed with over-sensitivity.
No one can remotely control your speech and actions. It is up to you to practice, and just be a human being. Just realize that everyone around you is just as vulnerable to making mistakes, or doing something awkward as you are.
You're the only one focusing on what everyone is thinking instead of how to have some fun. If your jokes are lame, keep trying until you get one in. Give yourself credit for trying.
It isn't much of a life when you're constantly cowering and hiding. I wish the word "shy" could be eliminated from our vocabulary in every language. Because nowadays it only means "lacking in social skills."
I have to be tough on you; because you need to summon a bit of courage. You're no longer a little boy, you are young man and there is no reason to be afraid to be among other "people." If you feel you're creeping people out, it's only because your self-consciousness shows.
Try "pretending" you don't care what people think, until your really don't.
You have a spot on this earth, so claim it. Just go where you please, and act like a decent and caring human being.
That is all you are required to do. There is no specific list of instructions or a check-off list. There is nothing to it, but to do it.
Some people just have to figure it out by living. Not on the couch of a therapist, and popping pills.
Just get out and live, my friend. Learn as you go.
...............................
|
