A
female
age
36-40,
*tonestaughtmetofly
writes:How can I get over this? Sorry for the ramble in advance.So it seems I'm at the end of a very troubled relationship. Me and my boyfriend have gone out for almost a year this month. He moved in with me in Dec. Since around January we've had some serious fights since I found some rather disturbing porn on his computer, mostly anime/cartoon porn. I broke up with him, we got back together. He lost his job and lived off me. I pay all the bills and still have to clean up the place.Then I got pregnant in spring right after another big fight we had about his smoking, he claimed he quit then starting smoking behind my back instead of just telling me he started again (he smokes A LOT, a weed substitute since he can't get the real stuff and its really expensive.. more on that later...) Long story short I had an abortion and things were I guess ok for a couple of months till June, he suspiciously bought a webcam, claiming he wanted to take pictures with it, but in reality he just wanted to jerk off on sites. I was super pissed and broke up with him.. We got back together again.Then I found the worst possible porn you can find on his computer after snooping again. We broke up for a little while, he cried and begged and said all kinds of things like he's not that type of person, he doesn't know why he looks at that stuff, just morbid curiousity, etc. We got back together but things were strained. He smokes incessantly, his whole family smokes weed, he smokes that substitute stuff. I am a rabid NON smoker, hate drugs and drinking, I live a very earthy healthy life. So I don't understand how he needs it to have fun.Then I found out he stole about $300+ dollars of savings that I kept in a shoebox in my closet since I guess he ran out of his own money so he STOLE mine to buy his smokes.So we broke up again, he claimed he'd change, throw away his pipe, pay me back, never smoke again. I tentatively took him back not really believing but wanting to and he went and LIED to me again by taking his pipe out of the trash and hiding it. Saying he can't do it, I should accept him for how he is. So he chose smoking and his perversions over me. He agreed we shouldn't be together and left.We've split up now but I can't help but be so angry over the whole wasted relationship. All he did was lie to me constantly, steal from me, be a huge pervert.The worst part is that he seems like there's nothing wrong with any of it. He claims he loves me but I don't believe it. I feel so used... I don't know how to get over my anger, and the anger at myself for missing him, anger for letting myself be used. I don't know how people typical deal with this.To make matters worse I'll have to see him again to borrow his car (I don't have one currently) to start my new job on Monday. I don't know how to get over this relationship.
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abortion, broke up, drugs, got back together, lost his job, money, moved in, porn, smokes, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stonestaughtmetofly +, writes (6 September 2012):
stonestaughtmetofly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses, it helps to have some input since I haven't discussed my relationship problems with anyone (on the outside we seem like a really good couple, and he's really sweet and unassuming generally)
I'm determined to not take him back or contact him till I need to go to work on Monday (its a new job so I don't know anyone there yet, unfortunately, and I'm not from the area so I have no friends near by). I hate being at his mercy per se by asking to borrow the car but unfortunately I have no choice.
again thanks for the answers, they helped.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (6 September 2012):
 I agree with HoneyPie. You have got to get rid of this guy once and for all. He is an emotional and physical vampire sucking out every last ounce of life and energy you have. Do you not see that? Why would you hold onto someone like this?
It is ok to miss him, but what you are really missing is someone with whom you *thought* you had a connection. You are no connection to him. You are a place to stay, someone to sleep with, and get money from. The thing that disturbs me the most is that you continue to allow yourself to be used, and in my opinion, abused.
As HoneyPie said, kick him out, do not talk to him, do not text him, do not allow him back in your home under any circumstances, do not talk to his friends, do not borrow his car. You need to find someone at work who can pick you up or a bus to take if possible. If you would tell your situation to your co-workers, surely one of them would help you out. Please try and get away from this guy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Kick him out, if he still lives with you and STOP taking him back!
Do it for YOU!
You keep going back to it and THAT is one of the reasons you are having a hard time getting over it I think. You really need to forgive yourself for thinking he will change, but you also need to accept he WILL NOT.
End it. That might help you move past it. And do not have any contact.
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