A
female
age
30-35,
*isfitschik66
writes: maybe a few people can help me once again!! i had an abortion about 7 months ago and i cant let it go a lot of people were very influencial and it happend so fast that i dident even have time to think about it i was still in shock my mom said keep it ( but she said she would support my decision) my friends said keep it my boyfriend said abort it the situation was complex my boyfriend and i had only been seeing each other 6 months but we had known each other for almost a year BUT the thing is that i wasent sure if it was my ex boyfriends or not (which i highly doubt) yes i had cheated but their is a whole other story along with that and my current boyfriend and i have talked about it and he swears thats not why he wanted the abortion the problem is 2 years ago i got pregnant with my ex and we had went 3 months and i fell and miscarried and im still not over that im asking if i made the right decision or not? and how can i get over not just the abortion but the miscarrage? im in theropy but it doesent seem to be working!!
View related questions:
abortion, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, salazar  +, writes (24 January 2009):
Wow! Registration was fast. I was just reading your post and understand how you are feeling. I had an abortion over a year ago, and I still am not over it. I was in a psych ward a few months afterwards because I became so depressed. I have always been a happy person, but now I've changed. In response to your question, how do you get over it? I wish I had the answer. There is no right or wrong decision, there was a choice and it was a decision made at that point in our lives. We cannot change it, only begin to accept we are not bad people. Sure sometimes I wonder, but I have gotten better about not dwelling. Thats what will pull you down. I also found writing helped a lot. If you have the time. I was very overwhelmed with feelings of guilt at one point, and just began to write an apology to the the child. Letting the emotions flow through the pen onto the paper, without judgement.
A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (19 January 2009):
misfitschik66 is verified as being by the original poster of the question update!!! i stopped going to therapy it just wasn't helping..BUT I can cope now. It still hurts a lot to think about it but my boyfriend has become very supportive since I told him it was really really bothering me, he reassures me all the time, it was faith and some day we can have children and give them the world but we just can't right now. I'm content with that I really am. I want to live life before taking a huge step like that. I'm still young and I guess if there really is a god he was just giving me more time.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 June 2008):
Therapy is a really good option, but therapy that isn't working is not a great option. The fact that you decided to try therapy is good in that it is an indication that you are trying to improve your life and work through the difficult feelings you have. What is your relationship like with your therapist? If you feel like you have a good relationship but that it just isn't working, you can try talking to them about it, this might be difficult but any therapist worth their salt would encourage this and it is good therapeutically, it might get things started for you. On the other hand, if you don't have a good sense of having a good relationship with your therapist, stop seeing them and try another one. Not all therapists can work with all people, and your therapist won't take it personally - if they do then you shouldn't be seeing them!Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (10 June 2008):
misfitschik66 is verified as being by the original poster of the question to the last poster about the cheating on my boyfriend like i said it was a complex situation and my current boyfriend and i had worked things out and he understands why
at the time i was confused wether i should go back to my ex (whom i was going to marry since i was with him for 3 1/2 years) and i was only with my new boyfriend about 4 or 5 months and we were in a long distance relationship and my ex came to get his stuff ( he had left behind) and things got out of control heat of the moment stuff(seeing he is a munipulator) the reason why i doubt he was the father is because i stopped him and told him to leave
my boyfriend has since moved in and we are as happy as can be he is my best friend and our relationship is as passionate as it can get many woman would be enviouse my boyfriend is a very understanding person
and i give myself credit i had the guts to come out the same night and tell my boyfriend what happend alot of people keep it secret but i hate lieing its just the type of person i am
my boyfriend and i want a baby in the future and we have plans but his theory is that we werent ready... but like i said it still bothers me
as you can see i am not against abortions .. i was until i actually had one
i then relized that it was my body and my child an since it can not make its own decisions i am its mother so i have to makes the decisions and belive me i feel horrible for it
i am not a religous person i do appreiciate the religous comments as they are helping alot
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Fist of all I am COMPLETLY against abortions. Secondly I had a misscarage as well. My misscarage almost killed me. I never thought I could have kids and when I found out I was pregnate I was on cloud 9. (So was my husband!) Then shortly after word I had a misscarrage at "6" months. I was devistated and it still hurts today and it was 4 1/2 years ago and I am still trying to have kids. When I was feeling my lowest I turned to my husband, he was my biggest support system. Do you have anyone like that you can turn to? You mom sounds like a great start. Also, I prayed. I knew I would find my answer to why this happend when the time was right. I belive God has shown me the reason. I then tryed looking at the bright side. That my baby and in your case baby's are with God and that when the time is right I will have my baby back. You too will have yours back as well. On another note, may I suggest finding another boyfriend and not cheating on that one. Not trying to be rude and I know that is not a big issue, but what I gather is there are some issues there as to why you cheated and maybe the insecurety that you may have felt is not coming back as represed anger and with your tragedy be falling you, you are now more confused then ever. Work out all of your issues and know that there are people that love you and you are not in it alone. Don't go looking for a new boyfriend until all of your baggage is delt with. Its not fair to put that on some one else. Be careful in the decissions you make.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I have a lot of empathy with you.Yes an abortion can be very traumatic. Your body is not prepared for what is happening, your hormones changes suddenly and this also has an effect on your emotions.Whether you made the right decision? You made the decision and at the time you thought it was best!Try not to think about it so much and accept that you did what you thought best at the time.You are beating yourself up emotionally about something that has happened, you cannot change it.Have a "mourning" ( on your own have almost a little service cry, speak or write how you feel)for each of the unborn fetus and move on in your life. A miscarriage is also very traumatic, as you don't expext it, however, do realize that it happened and probably with a reason. Accept that it was for the best, you might have been raising a child on your won now, as you and the boyfriend did spliet up.A child is a responsibality and needs a loving secure environment.You are young and can look forward to have children in a situation where they are planned and welcome.Try to avoid unwanted pregnancies in future, by having safe sex. Hope you will start feeling better soon.
...............................
|
