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female
age
51-59,
*ag
writes: ive been in love with the same mentally, sexually, financially abusive man for 10 years. how do i get over him and why am i still obssessing over him Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 This man is an obsession for you - you are dead right!! And like any obsession or addiction you need to train/teach yourself to cope without it. I strongly suggest that you get some CBT. Go to your Gp and ask to be referred to a behavioural psychologist who can help you get your self esteem back. If you feel you can break this cycle of addiction on your own then get a good self help book. There are loads on google if you look.
Good luck.
x
A
female
reader, Hag +, writes (29 December 2006):
Hag is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry cupid friends, Let me clarify my situation. I lived with the man for 7 years. During this time, as he messed with my head, sucked me dry financially, and robbed me of many nights sleep, I still managed to purchase a home, start a business which still thrives, and keep most of my self-esteem. I am a very strong, self-motivated, very determined individual. When I realized, after filing bankruptcy 2 years ago, that I couldn't afford to keep him anymore, believe me, it was not easy, I threw him out. Made some friends. Borrowed some money to get back on my feet. Had a good time. Started missing him. After about 11 months of obsessing, I decided to see if he was the same. He claimed to be. We hooked up. After 5 months now we are, I hope, split up again. If I had not stopped putting my foot down during the first 7 years, he wouldn't have put up with it and it'd been over after only a few months. I probably would not be feeling this ridiculous attatchment. I just want to know how to stop obsessing. I don't want to be told I will find someone else. I never wanted anyone. If you don't believe that you might as well not even bother trying to help me. I work long days and have many evening duties to keep me busy. I'm tired of going in circles about the man. I don't expect to ever stop loving him or forget him. Lord knows I don't want to unlearn that lesson. I just want to stop the obsession and move on
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (28 December 2006):
 My heart goes out to you.
First you need to regain your self esteem and become very strong.
You need to get out of the situation you are in. That person does not deserve your love and they hurt you, they do not love you.
Without further details, dificult to comment. All I can say is that my mother was abused by father for 17 years.
He turned her into a nervous reck, manic depressive and very miserable person. When she finally got the strengh to leave him, it was a step in her life, self confidence did not happen overnight and it was hard financially for a bit. but I tell you what: she is so much happier now
Her self worth is back now that she is independent and is not in an abusive environment.
Having feelings for someone who hurts you (and for years) is not excuse to yourself to remain in this situation. You have the power to stop this and control your life. Do it Now! Start living you life.
You deserve someone who will make you happy.
I wish you all the best and hope this has helped you find the way.
Good luck and lots of hugs
XXX
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