A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and head over heels in love with a co worker (24yrs old). We used to be really close friends, going out to the pub on lunch breaks always giggling and chatting - two great personality matches, it was perfect. He is a flirt, not just with me others as well..But he has a girlfriend who he has been with for a couple of years. I used to work with her and she is such a nice girl. One night he started messaging me (a little drunk) and the conversation went past the friends stage put it that way.. I also ended up admitting I liked him more than a friend. After that night we were constantly flirting. To cut a long story short, we met each other in town on a night out a couple of months after, we ended up kissing in the middle of the busiest nightclub where anybody could have seen from work! And slept together that night. We both said it was wrong and that we felt guilty the next day but I lied, the worst thing in the world was that I didn't feel bad I loved it and just wanted it to happen again! Now a few months later we email each other at work and recently we went to the pub for a drink and grabbed some lunch.. Again it was all flirting and him trying to touch me at any opportunity he got. It was lovely and I had the best dinner break ever! Great company.. Some days he's flirty and forward other days are quiet and off. He lives with his gf they rent a house and have just moved in, he says he's happy but I don't know if he is just comfortable and settled or of he daren't take the risk of leaving her and would be bothered about what our colleagues think. I can't stop thinking about him and I've got a feeling it's all gonna happen again. Advice please? Bearing in mind moving on is easier said than done when I see this person 5 days a week!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (17 February 2011):
"he says he's happy but I don't know if he is just comfortable and settled or of he daren't take the risk of leaving her and would be bothered about what our colleagues think."
It shouldn't matter to you what he's thinking or how his relationship with his girlfriend is because (a) it's not something within your control anyway and (b) whatever the reason, the fact is that as long as they are officially "together" he's not supposed to be doing anything with you so to be involved with him in any way and let yourself get emotionally attached to him will hurt you in the long run.
how to get over him: so you know that he's cheating on his girlfriend. Put yourself in her shoes, imagine that you are with him and he's cheating on you. Does he still seem so appealing now?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): You won't be able to get over him until you decide for yourself that it's what you want and is the right thing to do. Then you emotionally separate yourself from him and refrain from contacting him for anything other than work related stuff. And you make it clear to him that anything more than co-workers is not going to happen. The dude is using you for his own pleasure, when and where he wants it. And he does so because you let him. He doesn't care about you in that way, bottom line. Recognize him for the tool that he is and save yourself the heartache of being used, you deserve better and you deserve more. And you deserve it from someone who has the ability and the desire to care about you. Don't sell yourself short, it'll lead to nothing but emotionally unhealthy relationships, if you can call them relationships, and pain for caring about someone who doesn't care about you on the same level. You're young and in love, and leading yourself self straight into major heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, altered +, writes (16 February 2011):
"How do I get over a guy I see five days a week at work?"
Maybe this can help:
"But he has a girlfriend who he has been with for a couple of years."
and this:
"He lives with his gf they rent a house and have just moved in, he says he's happy"
This:
"but I don't know if he is just comfortable and settled or of he daren't take the risk of leaving her and would be bothered about what our colleagues think"
is completely irrelevent because:
"he says he's happy".
And there you have it. Straight from his mouth. He has moved in with GF and he is happy. This roughly translates into heartache, disappointment and disaster for you if you continue down this self destructive path. You are head over heels in love and he is clearly not.
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