A
female
age
41-50,
*ute82
writes:How to get rid of depressed husband?I got married 2 and half years back. After one month in a conversation i told my husband about my all Exs. I felt he will not mind and was bold enough. Then he started asking in detail and at that time i was not in the situation to hide anything. I told him about all of them in detail. He reacted unexpectedly. He started hitting his head in walls and all. In 21st century people should be open minded they must be ready to accept all the things. With in a week he was in severe depression and i was not able to manage.People like him should not marry they are better with their books. He called my family and told them everything. I was shocked and to save myself i denied everything. He was beaten by my family. He also slapped me in front of all. How he can do that. I was in a horrible situation. Initially i was not in favour of divorce so my family pressurised him to take me back with dignity. Afterall it was my past he should not react on it. But till now he is in a severe depression and not able to forget all of those. He may do suicide becuase he already attempted it at that time. He cannot ask for divorce because my family will drag him in court. Now I am in a fix what to do. I tried my best but he can not cope up. A little improvement is there but it may take years or never. Should i ask him for divorce. Or can i threat him a little so that he can take it serously or can try to make him more stable. Now i can not bear him more like this. Please help me in finding a way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): yes i hide from him. he asked me before marriage is there any ex. i denied and said iam virgin. but i love him yaar. i do all housework for him and so many things. he says you are nice but i can not come out of whatever happened to him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): his reaction to your news does seem over-the-top. You tell him about your past Ex's, he pushes you for more details so you tell him, and his reaction is to hit his head against the walls and attempt suicide??? geez, he must have some serious self esteem issues. I mean it's not like you had cheated on him, this is stuff that happened before you were together, right? so what is the root cause of his reaction? Did he think you were a virgin?? if so, is it that important to him??
so from that angle I do sympathize with you in thinking that his reaction is extreme. that is , UNLESS you had misrepresented yourself to him previously
I think you should divorce him, it sounds like he certainly wants to divorce you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): “There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Look, bad question due to lack of information, bad answers is all you will get.
Spill the general story here, tell us specifically what it is that you told your husband that was so bad that all this happened.
Then, possibly, you might be able to get a useful answer.
My wife has had many more sexual partners than I have, bigger, smaller, wider, taller, shorter, fatter, skinnier, etc, etc so what?
The question is "what is bothering him so much".
Another alternative, leave India, move to the USA or some other western country, and start over.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Whoa whoa whoa... you had a promiscuous past and your husband is hurt because you hid your past from him until you were married and you can only insult him. When talking to your family, you lied about everything and made him look like a fool, but still only insult him. You say that it's the 21st century and he shouldn't even care, but clearly you care if you didn't tell him and lied to protect yourself with your family. And then he was PHYSICALLY BEATEN and all you think about is that you got slapped? And then, given his depression, humiliation, physical abuse, and loveless home, you're solution is to threaten him?! Are you insane?
And at NO POINT do you sound like you love him. You're just concerned about court and divorce, but couldn't care less about this man. Please, divorce him. The only way he'll get out of depression is if he has a loving wife, and you only seem to love yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): I've been in your husband's shoes and it sucks! I'm not going to judge you, but you shouldn't criticize him for being upset and lashing out (except for the situation where he slapped you.) At the end of the day, its obvious he loves or or he would have left or kicked you out.
I don't think you understand the trauma you did to him. You suggest he shouldn't have married you (my wife said the same thing,) but maybe you should have been upfront with him about your past first; or better yet, kept it to yourself. I've been married 12 years now and sometimes bad thoughts still creep in. He needs time and maybe even professional help to cope with what he learned; especially if you commented on the mens' dick sizes or unusual sexual prowess.
Like I said, I did the same thing. She busted out a list and I became fixated on it. Who? Where? When? How do I stack up? Have you told me about everyone? I was young and wish I never asked those things. Now that pandora's box has been opened, you'll have to confront your demons and his demons head on with understanding and patience. If you love him and want to save him, you'll do it. If not, that's your perogative, but you'll have to live with knowing you broke a person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): You sound extremely selfish to me. Throughout your story there is never really any concern for your husband's feelings at any stage of what happened. It's only about what is important to you from start to finish.
Maybe he does not feel the way you think he should feel about your past. So what? Why does he owe you the feelings that you wanted him to have? Why does any person owe any other person a certain set of feelings about them? He is a person too and he is having a perfectly normal reaction to a painful sitution that you placed him in.
I suggest you get a divorce from him for the good of both of you.
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