A
female
age
30-35,
*ayMay1
writes:HIThe Break Up was emotionally draining and I have now settled at a more peaceful place which is liberating. My feelings are still bruised and my hear is still very sensitive but im trying to make small steps to move on with my life.....I need to move on with my life for me and do things that make me happy......I lost my self esteem. Changing myself to try and make somone else happy was traumatic now that I look back at it. I want to be happy again, I want to Know who I am and I want to make my life worth it for me. How do I get my self esteem back. Right now Im so confused inside, I dont even know what I like or dont like, what i accept or what I wont accpet..... Please give me advice on where do I start buliding ME up again, What are the steps I have to take.....I lost myself, and now im lost trying to find myself.... Do i go out with friends or do sit in my room and start from there...Do i write down my feelings or do I just sit and think. Ive been running away from fixing my self esteem but I think thats it time i just do it and build on me for the rest of my life..... Do i buy magazines and start scrap booking or do I get a journal and start writing.............Any direction with self esteem would be helpful....I have been in toxic relationships all my life and i realised that the reason why I ended up in such terrible relatonships is that I didnt know ho I was so I kept running into all sorts of relationships that I thought would help me find out who I was, so after the relationships ended I came out alone and empty and just ran straight into another relationship to fill the void within myself...Maybe I have a fear of being alone....I dont play any sports or stuff like that so theres nothing thats really constant in my life except my studies and work.... I was thinking that I should maybe watch movies and just be absorbed in something else and maybe then I will find what i want or is that just avoiding the situation.... what about going out alone and maybe just spending time with myself, i neeed structure I neeed to identify my morals values, standards, what I accept and I what I wont accept in relationships and most importanly what I want...Please help me with finding some sort of structure and balnce in my life......
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female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 It's a very long way to regaining self-esteem. It's long, hard but NOT impossible. You can start by focusing on WHAT you do, rather than HOW you do it, because the latter must be a natural impulse, not an attempt to make the others accept/like you.
So from now on make sure that for everything you do or say, you must relate it to your Self and ask your Self "is this good for me?". If the answer is NO, you should turn the page and move on with the next one (and so on). It's like a habit.
If you think you can't make it by yourself, go seek professional help. But my guess is that you WILL make it. The first step has been already taken - you know and you're willing to change your life.
Best wishes!
A
female
reader, es12  +, writes (15 November 2010):
Hi I think the best thing in these sorts of situatons is just live your life - give yourself time and space away from any sort of relationship - go out with friends. You can't force these sorts of things, they come naturally when your not expecting it and before you know it. Immerse yourself in living, having fun - listen to yourself when somebody asks you if you want to do something what's you gut reaction? Go with it - don't let ppl pursuade you to do things you don't want to do and don't let them diassuade you from things that you do want to.
Just go for it - be youself in every sensee of the word - read books, watch films/TV - anything you want to do because your the only person you have to please.
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A
female
reader, MissKorang!  +, writes (15 November 2010):
Which religion do you belong? Islam? Chritian? Hindu? Buhda? Read the Bible or whatever religious book you believe in. They are full of inspiration and the true promises of God's love. It is one of the surest ways of making you feel worthy and beautiful.
Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 'i am beautiful and capable of being the best me i can. And i love myself just the way i am'!!.
Get involved with fun activity, be seen, laugh. You can volunteer for a local charity, register at a gym and start nurturing your body.
The pain will fade with time. Believe me, you will look back at this period and just not feel pain but just the wisdom and the experience it taught you. I know because i've been there.
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