A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Been dating a man for quite some time now and he was in the army guard but just retired. He also does computer work freelance. Work is so slow hes not making any money. he graduated 2 yrs. ago with a BSN RN but has not taken his registry yet therefore is not working as a nurse yet either.We get along great and have even talked marriage but the no job thing is really starting to worry me. He has not had a permanent job in over 2 yrs. Hes VERY smart and knows he needs money but will NOT take his test and start nursing. Ive asked why no job and he says that hes still studying for his test and doesnt want to have any other jobs listed on his resume.I just need some feed back as to whether I should stay with this person or move on? And yes I have been helping him with his bills but said no more because im actually NOT helping him.He is 47.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is your parting salvo:
"I want a man I can rely on. If I get pregnant, I want to know you're ready, willing, and able to earn enough for three, because I might be too poorly to work during the final stretches and the convelecense period. If our kid needs some extra TLC, I want to know you can earn enough for us as a family so I can provide that care. If our kid is Yale material, I want to know you'll won't be slacking in the picking up the tab department. Sure, I'm an independant woman. Sure, I work. Sure, I have a job and a career. But if you don't provide me with the security that I need in order to relax around you enough to let you marry me with all that entails, then somebody else is gonna be the father of my children."
Then leave him. He needs to know why you're leaving. You're not leaving him because he's "using" you. You're leaving him because he isn't manning up to the job of boyfreind/fiance/husband. That's the job of the man in a relationship: to carry the load when the woman can't do it. ESPECIALLY when she can't carry the load because she's busy caring for his kids. The job of a woman in a relationship is to make him happy he made that sacrifice for her.
In a few weeks after you dump him, he will either (a) have a job or pass that RN test or whatevs, and beg you to take him back; or (b) he will still be a tosser, and you will be well on your way to finding someone with a bit more get up and go.
P.S. My freeloader wangled 13 years of financial support off of me. He has a freakin Mensa level IQ, so no excuses. I know what I'm talking about. And he's 47 too. Weird, huh?
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