| A
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Literally the day I arrived home for the summer from university, I had a job an hour later. My dad pushed me into this job because he is friends with the manager and I'm grateful for the help, but I'm miserable! I understand that every job has it's flaws, I'm 19 and I've had several jobs, each one has been flawed. But this one is really getting me down, to the point I am now starting to feel sick before I leave.The manager is horrible to his staff, so much so that I would go to the point of saying he bullies some of them, the staff are always bitching about each other and arguing or being generally nasty, the customers are rude, arrogant and argumentative and I seriously cannot cope with it. I've worked there now for 6 weeks and don't get me wrong, there are some good points about the job and sometimes we have a laugh. But that doesn't stop me from feeling stressed and sick. Over the Christmas period I became quite ill due to stress and my parents said it was my fault, I ended up having to visit hospital and doctors and all sorts and they just blamed me. I'm feeling the same now and they don't understand how upset and stressed I am about this job, it's only a summer job so I don't see what the big deal is. I have never been out of work so it's not like I'm asking to sit on my bum from the rest of the summer. I want to look for another job and I won't leave this one until I've got one.How can I explain this to my parents because they really don't get it? My grandma said just to tell them how I feel and I've tried but they shrug it off and say it's just a job. My mum comes home every night from work complaining and saying how much she hates her job and would move if she could, she's even looked for other jobs. Why am I different? Sure it's only a summer job but she's not having sleepless nights and stress related headaches that could result in the same stress related illnesses I had at Christmas. Please help, if you have any advice. And I'm not slating my parents in anyway, all it is is that they don't understand how I react to stress and they're both doing the same thing only on a bigger scale with less stress.
View related questions:
christmas, period, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): I say just line up the other job and tell them once the ball is in motion.
That way there's less time for them to complain and they can't exactly do anything about it. It's just a summer job, they'll have nothing to complain about if you just go grab another.
Actions speak louder than words and telling them you're switching jobs when it's happening is better in my opinion. You're under no real obligation to tell them other than when you're handing in your notice to your current job. You're 19, you don't need their permission.
They're your parents though, OP, maybe that kind of thing is important to them. Surely all they want is for you to be working and happy.
If you insist on telling them well in advance then at least have a solid plan and actual options you can show them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.Stress has never been an issue until this year for me. Alright, yes, I'm only 19, but I've worked in numerous jobs, at some points more than one at a time, I've never had problems at work before, I've never been sacked, I've simply left jobs for other jobs more suited to what I want to do with my life and I've never in my life had a bad reference so it's not that I can't work or won't work. I love earning my own money, I'd never ask anyone else to pay my way and I'm already paying my way when I'm at home and then with a student loan, I'm paying my way when I'm a university. Last year I had a job that I loved but other people with the same job were saying it was stressful and too difficult and I agree, being a support worker for a young child with severe additional needs was difficult, but I never made myself ill with stress. And no, Cerberus, I wasn't working this job at Christmas, my stress was caused by a different matter at home and since then I've been stressed a lot of the time. I'm under a lot of pressure right now with personal issues, my career (not this job, my actual career), my university and this job isn't helping, but I don't want the summer off, I am back to work. I just want my parents to understand that I am looking for something else because of this but won't leave until I have something else, I'm just looking for a way of explaining that to them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): Find another job that you enjoy and move on.Summer jobs are not a big deal and it shouldn't be hard to find.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): "I understand that every job has it's flaws, I'm 19 and I've had several jobs, each one has been flawed."
OP it sounds like it's more down to your coping skills or lack thereof rather than the job itself.
I mean the problems you talk about are all normal job stuff. There is no job in the world that is all roses and fairy dust and it seems you can't cope with that at all.
You were hospitalised for stress over xmas too? You weren't even working this job then were you? So you have a pattern of this kind of behaviour.
In a sense they're right but they're not exactly helping you either by being critical. I mean your mother isn't exactly one to talk given how much she hates hers and you probably inherited your easily stressed nature from her.
I've worked some of the toughest jobs you can think of, from kitchen porter on an airforce base, to long 12 hour shifts in factories, to 12 hours walking around selling things door to door. I've had managers who had it out for me, I've had colleagues that were very cliquey and I've never been stressed about work in my life.
You talk about it "only being a summer job" as a reason you should leave, my opinion of that is it's only a summer job why are you letting anything that goes on there affect you this way?
OP jobs will always come with a certain amount of stressors it's important you learn to cope with that or in for a very tough time of it.
Seriously, OP, it's just a summer job why do you give a fuck about how people are there? Why does it bother you?
I mean if you want to take a summer off and that's why you're pissed then go ahead and do that. But if you can't handle job stress then you need to go seek some proper help in learning how to deal with stress as it sounds like it's having a major impact on your life.
OP when I was your age I was working all nights, 5 nights a week in a very busy nightclub. Nightmare hours, no social life and very tough work with an asshole manager. It didn't bother me at all. The worst that happened in that time was tiredness or the odd grumpy day but other than I had lots of little tricks to relieve the stress. I'd have sneaky cigarettes, go be alone on my lunch break to have a nap etc. And I 100% didn't care about anyone there, didn't care about their gossip, didn't care about the drunken assholes who would often become very abusive too, none of that bothered me.
OP they're your parents, of course they understand how you react to stress, they've raised you they know everything about you. What you're not getting is that your reaction to stress is not okay, it's going to fuck up your life and leave you at a huge disadvantage in life and it puts you at major risk of developing a mental disorder in the future.
You can't just run away from life, OP, like you want to run away from this job. So you need to leanr to cope, you need to learn how to not give a shit about things like this because you're just going to make yourself crazy.
Hospitalisation should have been a wake up call for you, OP, not an excuse for you just run away.
That said, OP, you're only 19 and life is too short. If you want to find another job go for it, but you seriously need to go get come counselling, you're a breakdown waiting to happen if you can't learn how to handle stress better especially seeing as nothing you have described is in any way a reason tpo be stressed in this job, it's only a summer job. You're not there to be liked, to be babied, nothing, you're there to make money.
You should also consider moving out of home, it sounds like you can't even handle that without being stressed about your parents.
OP best of luck with all this, and really, sort out the stress thing as a priority, it's not an excuse and it will ruin your life. I've known people like you and nothing goes well for them because they just can't handle life. Even the most minor thing can tear their world down and make them depressed, things as minor as the issues you have at work.
I know you came here thinking we'd have a way of making your parents understand, but they understand perfectly, OP, they just don't think it gives you a pass to run away. They want you to deal with this and life in a much better way. Believe it or not they're not against you they just know what life is like for people who can't cope. They're not dismissing the effect that your stress is having on you, it's very serious, they just won't allow you to use it as an excuse when life is just one big ball of stress and challenges, you will never not face this kind of thing in life, OP, it's time you learned to cope better. It's too important to your own well-being, life really doesn't have to be this tough.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 May 2014):
 I find this phrase to be telling: "...I understand that every job has it's flaws, I'm 19 and I've had several jobs, each one has been flawed."
Pardon me.... but THAT is flat-out "not so!!!!!"
As an old guy who is far closer to the end of my days, than to the beginning, I can assure you that what you've written probably tells us 'way more about you, than about your job and your reaction to it....
Considering how precious it is TO EVEN HAVE EMPLOYMENT you might want to reconsider your approach to this job, and imagine how - and if - it was available to you.... and you were at your wit's end trying to keep a roof over your head, and food on your table. (Double that, if you were a single Mother!)....
My advice: Try to figure out what's GOOD about the position you have, then, thank your lucky stars that you have a job to b**ch about.
Good luck, and have a good Summer... then, STUDY HARD next Fall.....
...............................
|
