A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my husband is in the Military and we moved around 3 times to different apartments everytime we moved has been very stressful for me and hard we always ended up fighting about it b/c my mother in law will harass my husband about it she wanted to help set up our new home. He is fixing to get out and I wanted us to move back home close to my parents which his parents are only 20 minutes away from my parents house. The first and second time we moved my in law helped us but the third time I asked my family for help so I dropped off our kids to my parents so my brother and sisters can come help and everyting went well, I told them to leave and I will set up the house myself (everyone was happy). When my mother and sister in law and her husband helped us they got into an argument who to watch my sister in law kids (4 boys) oldest is 5, I told my husband to call his mom (which pisses her off) tell her to watch his sister's kids that's would be a huge help so she and her husband can help us lift the heavy stuff, his mom is 51 and his step dad is 60 they can't really lift anything. We have to stopped in the middle of us moving b/c she called my husband telling him she wanted to help him and she told him to asked me if she can drop off my sister in law kids to MY parents to babysit while they come help. I was so angry b/c my mom is older than her she's 65 and she got health problems she's so selfish. I told him "NO" my mom can't keep up with 7 kids, so she called my sister in law yelling at her to come get her kids cause she wanted to help my husband. It was a mess and it was very stressful for me to just stand there watch them argue, when we were ready to drive the truck my sister in law told us she needs to go back home so my husband friend was going to help us unload, when we were about to leave my mother in law called my husband she still wanted to help and asked if we can come picked her up which is 45 minutes opposite side of where we are going, we got 4 hours drive to make and this woman wants us to waste 45 mins to drive opposite side of town to pick her up while my husband friend and wife was waiting at our new apartment to help us unload. At first I told my husband ok, tell her to meet us here but as soon she told us to pick her up...that was it for me, I explode and we needed up fighting about it. His friend just happens to pass by our new apartment so they stopped there waiting for us...he live 3 hours away and that was very sweet of them to wait. We left without my mother in law and his sister called him day after and told him how he hurt their mother's feelings, she was crying to her saying that I (me) don't want her to spend time with her son anymore. Which causes a fight between us cause I was so angry at him for not telling her to back off so I take it up on him. We are fixing to move again next move and she already start saying she wants to help us move and to help me set up our new house, how can I politely tell this woman "NO" without hurting her feelings? I don't like to fight with my husband on that day and I don't want to watch them fighting and arguing, please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 May 2014):
 Honestly, SIT your husband down and explain HOW you want things done on the move. FIND a compromise that will make YOU happy and HIM happy. Your MIL is less important in THAT conversation.
When it comes to the ACTUAL move... HE needs to be the one to tell her.
*WE like to set up OUR house JUST the way WE like it. WE really appreciate that you want to help, but WE LIKE to do it ourselves and OUR way.*
Then you can BOTH invite her to a house warming BBQ/Dinner/potluck when you are all done.
She is playing games. Pulling the "my DIL don't want me to spend time with my son boo-hoo". She can spend time with him, but that doesn't mean she NEEDS to "help" with the move. I have seen this SO many times with moms of soldiers. They think they have "higher rank" (for lack of a better expression) then the wife. I have seen Moms of soldiers PLAN how the MARRIED soldier should spend his R&R with HER instead of his new born child and wife. It can get rather ridiculous.
One thing though. A MOM is IMPORTANT. And she DESERVES respect. Doesn't mean she can walk all over YOU.
Suggest that your husband take her out for lunch/dinner. It will get HIM and HER out of your hair a few hours and it will make HER happy (and him too I bet).
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