A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI was with my current bf for almost 4 yrs now. Earlier we had perfect relationship later point he became emotionally abusive and now just cause I contacted him once when he didn't call me for few days he blocked me everywhere. No I was not clingy, I can say I became more of a submissive person lately, taking all his crap so he would be with me or talk to me....I know I'm an idiot for putting up with him and only good thing is he was never physically violet but he always withholds affection and make me beg for even silly stuff and call me names all the time. Long story short he took all my savings I.e I gave him my savings when he said he was in money trouble, since now he blocked me everywhere how to get my money back. He emailed me asking for money since he was ashamed to ask me directly, so I can prove that he got money from me, but I won't to take any legal action before he tell me his side whether he will return it or not maybe silly me thinks he might come back.Pls pls help me to get over him and some plan to get my money back so I can start fresh in a place where I will never see him ever again. Thanks
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emotionally abusive, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2015): Sadly you're going to need a lawyer and solid proof there is communication of him asking, and the money being transferred to his account or a cheque being cashed in his name. If you've withdrawn cash then there is no proof that it was given to him - unless you have strong, compelling evidence that proves he accepted the cash. You believed in this man, and trusted because you loved him. Getting over him will take time but remind yourself - you've hardly lost Prince Charming. He was an abusive thief, he's stolen your money and he treated you terribly. So quite frankly you should never want him back in your life.Seek legal advice - I can't see that the police will be any help, no crime has been committed. This is a civil case and you'll need a solicitor/lawyer to assist you in building a case against him. I truly feel for you, this must be a very low point in your life and whilst the loss of your life savings is a monumental loss - you have your health and you are free of this man who would so willingly deceive you. I truly hope you can pursue him through the courts and have your money returned to you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 April 2015):
 Hi again, I just saw your follow-up. I want to tell you that you are no more stupid than the rest of us. It's easy to see things in hindsight, but right then and there you were blinded by love and the desire for him to be a trustworthy man. If he was all he claimed to be, and if he was a decent man, there wouldn't have been a problem at all. We all have a need and desire to trust out partners, and he was a good friend of yours before you even dated. Of course you trusted him. The only ones of us who wouldn't do what you did, are those who have been fooled before. Because up until someone takes advantage, we're all equally naive, hopeful and trusting.
So don't beat yourself up about what's been done. It's done, you can't change it. But what you CAN change is what will happen from here on out. Do what you must do to get whatever savings you can back from him. Take copies of e-mails, go to the bank for counceling and documentation of the money you had and that it was sent to his account. Contact the police to ask advice, contact any legal service you can, contact collection services (thats who I contacted, as they can collect for private affairs as well and not just businesses). The collection company I was in contact with would have easily fixed it (and much faster than going through court) if only my ex actually HAD any money. But he had spent it all and was broke, so there was nothing there to collect.
Make some calls, these sort of affairs need to be handled with urgency.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 April 2015):
You need to take legal action ASAP. He will NOT return your money. He BLOCKED YOU!!!! Read the writing on the wall and stop believing in his bullshit. He took all your savings and was verbally abusive (name calling), I bet he played mind games and was controlling too, these people often are. In fact, he sounds like my ex, and I wish I could put a warning tag on that guy, because he "borrowed" money from me too. Did I ever get it back? Heck no. It's been 5 years since we broke up and I never got shit back from him. Sorry for the language, but you need to start getting yourself pumped up and get angry about this, because it's overdue.
Go get your money back if you can, and I say IF because even with an e-mail you don't have much chance of getting it back through legal actions. I sought legal help too to get my money back, but my guy lived overseas, and in any case he didn't own any property or had any savings, so there was no way the authorities could have gotten anything out of him.
That's why I say, do this ASAP before he has the chance to use up all the money he "borrowed". Because once it's used up, you wont ever see it again, unless he owns some property the authorities can force him to sell in order to pay you back....
Do not pity this scumbag. Take legal action NOW. You do NOT want a guy like this back, do you understand me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe money was my entire life saving, almost 25000$, and he promised that he will return it back. Now I lost my life saving and self esteem, and him. How could I be so stupid and how could he take advantage of me, he was my best friend before we started dating.
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A
female
reader, Aileen  +, writes (9 April 2015):
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. The behaviour you describe from your ex is domestic abuse. I suggest you speak to your GP who can refer you to a local organisation to help you to get over what you've been through. Unfortunately, with regards to the money, it's unlikely that you will be able to get that back. If you have a written contract from him then you may be able to go to court but it sounds as if it was a gift (in that you gave it to him) and not stolen or loaned. As you were experiencing domestic abuse you may qualify for legal aid to take him to court but if it is a relatively small amount (you don't state how much) then it may be better for you and your emotional and mental health to write it off as a mistake not to be repeated. I am sorry that you have been through this difficult experience and hope that your GP can point you in the right direction.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2015):
 You could try taking him to the small claims court (depending on how much you loaned). The burden of proof is not the same as in the criminal court and the fact that you have e-mails from him talking about borrowing money would certainly help your case. However, winning a case and actually getting your hands on the money are two different things.
http://www.peopleslawyer.net/legal-topics/small-claims-court.html
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