A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have an issue, one of my relative's husband constantly keeps flirting with me. It's to the the point where it's getting out of control. I've repeatedly asked him to stop. The funny thing is that he never acted this way in the beginning. He started acting this way when he he got married to my relative. We've hung out and he's gotten really touchy feely and I didn't like it. Each time I got upset, he said that he would stop. Then when we would hang out again, he would start acting the same inappropriate way again. Sending me inappropriate text messages. In some way, I feel like it's my fault, because I didn't say anything to my relative about all of this. Basically, I just want to know what I should do about the situation?
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Don't be afraid to hurt his feelings. Sometimes THAT is what it takes to keep a perv like him away from you!
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (30 July 2008):
Get MAD!! Say "Knock it off!" "Don't touch me!!" Say it verry loud so that other people can hear it. Ignore his text messages. Or better yet, Save them, and tell him that if he doesn't stop, you will reveal them to EVERYONE!
Also tell him "You attention towards me GROSSES ME OUT, and I think it is CREEPY!"
I have had this experience before, and that is how I handled it.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 If you've already told him to stop his inappropriate behaviour then tell your relative (his wife) about it. This guy has a boundary issue and needs to be told, especially by his wife, that he has crossed a boundary. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to make a correection on the title of my question. It's not my husband's relative ( I'm not married ). It's my relative's husband. The site generated the title for me. But besides that, I just want to thank everyone for their answers. Thanks so much!!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Hi, I didn't actually see that you were married, so I'm going to assume you're single, and maybe why this guy feels so free to harass you.
You're feeling stuck now because you haven't managed to get him to stop and now it's gone long enough that it'll be difficult to tell your relative. And I think I know that horrible gut pain Curious mentioned.
I'm with Emily here too; do not put yourself in a position to be alone with this guy. If you somehow find yourself being groped by him again, haul off and smack him one. Be very serious about yelling at him, "KNOCK IT OFF! DO NOT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"
He thinks he can get away with it because he has suffered no bad consequences. You need to change that thinking now, that he WILL suffer if he ever ever bothers you again.
I agree with Uncle Phil, though, in the final part of this. I think you do need to come clean with your relative. Tell her that he has started to be inappropriate with you and you feel really badly about it and were so conflicted as to what to do, that it took you a while to be able to tell her. And then tell him that you have told his wife and will forward all the texts to her if it ever happens again.
I'm sure you're trying to keep the peace and not make a fuss, which is what this guy is counting on. You're playing defense. Start playing offense, remove that safety zone from him, and he will stop.
I hope this helps you, you shouldn't be feeling guilty about this, you should be feeling angry and channeling that anger into dealing with him appropriately.
Good luck, let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, Curiousbynature +, writes (30 July 2008):
I have had this happen too. It makes you feel awful. And it gives you this uneasy feeling in your belly. I hate it. And you dont know whether to tell your husband, but what if he thinks you are egging it on? I hate this situation. I cant tell you what to do, but he sounds like he is pushing it way too far. The best thing is to act very strong when you are around him. Even yell at him from time to time. Stand your ground. I had a pervert at work harrassing me, but didnt want to cause commotion in my new job. So one day I just told him off and said your wife would kill you if she heard those things coming out of your mouth, and you have kids. After that, not once has he bothered me. He did in turn start talking to one of the other ladies in my office. Anyway, just stand up for yourself. And maybe alert your husband, and say just watch how he is with me. Because you have to let him see it otherwise he probably wont believe "his family" could ever do that. People always side with the family. Even in rape cases, 99% of the time the family backs up the accused. Pretty sick huh? This whole situation sucks, because you did nothing wrong, and you have to deal with it. GOod luck and if you hear anything back worth-while please tell me. Thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): If you've got his wife's phone number forward his texts on to her once you've told her what he's doing.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 July 2008):
My advice is to avoid him. Don't be alone with him. Don't speak to him unless someone is there with you. If he tries to touch you then use reasonable force to get him to stop.
If it was just flirting then I'd say he was just having a laugh and there was no harm in it. But he's continued after you told him to stop and is sending odd messages to you. He's a creep.
If he sends you any more messages then go to your husband and tell him he's been texting you but you though he was joking till now, but are getting concerned. You are married so shouldn't have to deal with this alone. I bet this creepy guy would back right off if he knew you had told your hubbie about it. He only has power when it's between you. If it gets any worse then your husband could always get his number and phone up and have a polite word about how he could break him.
Good Luck!! xx
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