A
male
age
41-50,
*j mcdonough
writes:I have been dating a girl for almost two years. She has constantly lied and told me she was not talking to guys. She talks to guys that don't help her I help her financially and emotionally, and I have taken care of her when she is sick or car problems. I am a professional chemist and make good money . I make over 6 figures and I am 34. She used to be a stripper and loves Mexican men. She dated this guy who was married and wants to be with him now. that guy is a creep that isn't attractive. She used to do porn and I rescued her from that life. I helped her get into school and I pay her tuition for college which is more than $4000 a year and she lives with me rent free. I recently put her on my health plan. Her family has no clue how awful she does and pretends to her dad it's my fault we argue. He has no idea about her.She has never done me right and I caught her selling sex for money on the internet a month ago. We got engaged 3 months ago and now she likes this little guy Mexican that can hardly speak English.She quit stripping a year ago and promises she cares but now u j iw she doesn't. I want her to go and leave me but she says she loves me I don't believe her. I want her to go live with her stoner friends that all are 33 and do porn.I have helped her pay for nursing school and I want to be with someone who loves me.I want her to leave and I think she is horrible to me her mother Is coming to visit in two weeks.This girl still talks to her ex who makes porno movies for a living and she slept with this guy when freight was 15 and he was 22. That is really nasty.She lies all the time and it 26 but has sold sex and loves only old men or Mexicans I am not racist but she only likes to flirt with them. I am black and Puerto Rican and really want her out. Please tell me how? Thanks
View related questions:
engaged, flirt, her ex, money, porn, stripper, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Document all her activities. You can share that documentation with her family so they can figure out how to help her.
You earn enough to hire an attorney. Go do so, to protect your assets.
It would be safest to remove her from the home in one day; perhaps when her mother comes you can escort them both to a hotel, give her mother the documentation about her past. Pay the hotel bill, it's just a few drops in the bucket at this point.
While you are taking them to the hotel, you will already have arranged to have all the locks changed and any access codes and passwords on any accounts changed. This includes all your credit cards and banking statements. It would be a good idea to have a credit check run on yourself to ensure she hasn't set up hidden accounts using your information.
As for her porn past, if she had sex with the porno guy at the age of 15, she was essentially raped. That is not consensual sex, she needs counseling and help and it's possible that her family knows this already. It's a great pity and very sad that she is so destroyed by this that her life has become a shambles.
At any rate, you have to get off that white horse, and get a plan in place.
I'm wondering how you got her on your health plan? I thought you needed to be an actual relative? Anyway, remove her from that as well.
If she has never done you right, why the hell have you been supporting her for 2 years?
Basically, you have to get practical and stop pretending you rescued her from her past. You didn't, all you have provided is a safe place to stay while she continues to act out the dysfunction she learned as a child. This almost sounds like it was written by your ex. Those odd additions about Mexicans and old men seem very off-kilter somehow.
Anyway, time for interventions on all sides.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 April 2013):
First of all, you need to change your locks. Then talk to her and tell her it's time for the two of you to part ways. I wouldn't give her time to find a place if you're sure she could go somewhere else.
I'd recommend offering to pay for a room in a house or something for a couple of months while she gets settled, that might help prevent her from acting out in a revengeful way.
Don't feel too bad for her: she can get food stamps, financial aid, etc. She's only using you; it's time to cut off the gravy train.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): You rescue this woman, and then berate her entire sordid background because you’re rejected after all you’ve done to help her. Well YOU CHOSE HER to begin with! She’s only doing what she knows best.
If you want to rescue people from themselves, you’re best to volunteer at the local mission… Sort your Good Samaritan ego out before deluding yourself again with this type of character. Plus being a professional who makes 6 figures is totally inconsequential when you’re intelligence quota it’s worth a dime!?
At least you’re working in the right field to access pharmaceutical drugs for any STD you might catch. Or some testosterones to help you grow a pair too show her the door, PRONTO?
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 April 2013):
Stop the money and the problem will take care of itself.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 April 2013):
 I think you need a reality check.
You can't rescue people from their bad choices. You met her and she was all of the things you tried to "rescue" her from. She didn't change, and you can't change her, and you can't rescue people from themselves. All you're really doing is enabling her. It's a weird co-dependency thing where you're getting emotional and physical needs met from being her caretaker. It's got to stop, or your livelihood, your reputation, your sanity, and your money are all at risk. All it takes is for her to hook up with the wrong guy who could break into your house to clean you out, or someone to steal your identity and go on a buying spree or get you mixed up with illegal activities which take a lifetime of stress and effort to clear your name.
You have to kick her out. You make 6 figures, so hire a moving company to pack up her stuff. Rent a storage unit for 3 months and put her stuff in it. Then change all of the locks on your doors, change all of your passwords, take her off of any financial accounts you have, and tell her, both in person and in writing that she is no longer welcome at your house. That the relationship is over and you want nothing more to do with her.
Not so easy, is it? If it were, you wouldn't be on here asking us for help to do something that's actually very simple. You are wavering because you are getting out of this whole thing, even with her lying and cheating. You're meeting needs by having this kind of power and relationship -- she depends on you, and that's what you need...for someone to depend on you. Not healthy for you. You need someone who does NOT depend on you, where you don't go paying bills, giving her money, a house, etc. You are exchanging true intimacy for this, because she it not on the same footing you are and you know it.
You can be upset all you want to, but until you break your own dependency issues, you won't do a thing to change this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2013):
 First off, TAKE her off your health plan. Then you tell her you have 14 days to pack your stuff and get out, we are over.
After 2 weeks if she isn't packed and out, get some boxes, box her shit up, put them outside the house and get the locks changed.
Block her from all your social sites and phone.
Make SURE she has no access to your bank info. Even if that means you need to redo some of your cards. Any bills (phone and whatnot) you are paying for HER, cut them off, TAKE your name off them or CANCEL the service.
It's OVER obviously, so STOP letting her take this advantage of you, and STOP paying for stuff for her. SHE will NOT love you more (or at all) because you pay for stuff.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 HI
Such a shame when women treat men this way, especially as your the hand that feeds her!
If I were in your situation this is what I would do ok.
1) pack her things and leave them in the garage.
2) change the locks of your house.
3) tell her you are no longer her fiancce OR bank and regardless wether she THINKS she loves you or not ( I doubt it she is just a user ) she is no longer a part of your life and is NOT welcome to stay anymore NOT EVEN UNTILL SHE FINDS ANYWHERE ELSE TO STAY DONT fall for that old c**p either . At the end of the day you are going to have to put your foot down now if you want her gone, or she will just keep coming up with more lies as to why she can't leave. Dont give her that option, just pack her stuff and be done with it. I tell you if I had a partner that would treat me the way you have treated her I would be the happiest woman alive. She has NO idea what she is doing with her life, this is not the kind of woman you need or want in your life, she will just finacially & emotionally drain you. Be round possitive people not negative scrounging lying spongers.
Mandy x
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2013):
 BREAK the engagement. Let her keep the ring.
Tell her you do not care if she loves you, tell her I DO NOT LOVE you and I DO NOT WISH TO BE WITH YOU.
STOP paying her bills.
She is using you for your money… cut off the money train, cut off the kindness and she will leave.
Give her NOT one red cent.
DO NOT speak to her. Answer all her questions with either “yes” “no” “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” engage her in no other conversation. IF she goes to hug you stand like a stone.
DO NOT mistreat her; just don’t treat her at all. Be polite but cold.
When her mother comes in two weeks… do not change your behavior. When her mother asks, you can say. “things are not good and I think we need to end it but I’m trying to be kind about it” you do not have to say why…..
Contact an attorney and ask the attorney how to put a squatter out legally. She’s not going to go easily and you need legal advice. DO what the attorney tells you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): "Please tell me how? Thanks"Make her an offer she can't refuse. Pay her more not to live with you than you are keeping her at your house, and once she's out of the house you can cut her off completely since you aren't married (yet, hopefully you're not that stupid). Believe me, she'll land on her feet and quickly find another sucker to support her, if she hasn't already.You knew from the start who she was, a professional for hirewho earns her living stringing forlorn lovesick saps along while extracting every cent she possibly can from them. Given that you view yourself as the white knight who rescued her from a life from which he had no desire to be rescued, and you claim to have become "engaged" to the mercenary who probably still charges you by the hour for the time you spend together, I suspect you must have carrying significant baggage if this is the way you are attempting to fill whatever gaping voids are present in your personal life.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 April 2013):
Tell her it's over and she can take whatever she wants but to just get out by the end of the week. I think if she doesnt leave u can call the police right? Im not sure how it works in the US.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): Tell her to leave. By letting her stay you are allowing her issues to become yours. Simply put, don't shake a whore tree and expect an angel to fall out. You've helped her all you can, now she needs professional help. She'll never have incentive to change er self as long as you keep coddling her. Use your spine, tell her to leave.mshe is not your child, she has family, you have no responsibility for her. Why committ to being there for someone who won't committ to you? Use that good money on yourself, your friends and family, maybe a charity, and someday a woman who will truly appreciate it. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Good luck man.
...............................
|
