A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We talk about our future plans sometimes and decided to live together in Aug. He studies abroad and has a part-time job. He has to work almost every day so he can afford the rent and other expense. He's always busy and seldom has time to talk to me. I've complained to him a lot about him not finding time for me and he said he's just busy and I'm too needy.I call him up a lot and try to be sweet but he didn't pick up most of the time. So I call a lot more. We had a huge fight last week and he told me it's annoying him that I call so much. He feels that I'm trying to control him. It hurts me a lot because we used to talk a lot when we were together and I explained to him it's because I miss him, love him and care for him. Now he told me he needs a break and time to clear his mind. He told me he's a little detached doesn't mean he doesn't love me and wanted me to calm down. What is it supposed to mean? Is he trying to break up with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): *update*
I wrote to him and said goodbye. I told him I have my plans. I'm looking for a new job and ready to move on by myself. He told me he never said it's over. He loves me and wants me. It's me that kept asking him if he wants me and he plans to go home with me or not. He said he's stressed out because he has to work a lot to pay for school and I'm adding more stress. I was tired of this and all the fights so I only asked him whether he wants us to work out or not. He said Yes! For the last time. I've been waiting for him for two years. I don't want to give up easily, but we're just like blah after the fight. I'm not sure if we will work out and I'm also worried about my career if I don't move to the U.S. with him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): I'm heartbroken. I've been waiting him for two years and Just few weeks ago he called crying told me he wanted me to fly him. How could he change so fast?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 May 2013):
 Op I read your updates last night… thankfully I go back and check questions I’ve answered to see if folks have replied or I would have missed your follow ups.
His text of “it’s nice talking to you let’s try to keep talking things not always our relationship” is a BIG HUGE SIGN that he’s NOT going to be the one you spend your life with. He is certain of your relationship… he’s certain your not his one and he’s being nice… he likes you as a person but NO do not be making your plans to move.
You can by all means continue to talk to him, but let him contact you, let him initiate the conversations and lead them…. Shortly you will see him contacting you less and less and talk of the future drying up….. it’s his way of easing out of promises made in the heat of new relationship excitement that are not going to happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): Ps. If we live together, I will have to move to the u.s. with him. It's going to be a big step and change for me. An I giving him too much pressure now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): *update*
So we talked. He texted me and said" its nice talking to me, let's try to keep talking things not always our relationship." This only makes me that he's uncertain about our relationship. He constantly changes his plan and wants me to follow it. I'm very serious about our relationship. If he's uncertain, how do we move on? I told him I have my own plans and I'm ready to move on by myself. Should I just let him go since he can't give me any promise or is unwilling to talk about our plan?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 May 2013):
you wait as long as you can/want
Me personally I would not wait more than two weeks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): I don't know how long I should wait. He told me he's still pissed but doesn't mean we can't work out. I want the whole thing or nothing at all. There's no halfway relationship. I don't want to wait till he tells me he wants to end this. He's been so cold. I sent him a very sweet package before the fight. He didn't even say thank you when he got it. I can't stand him being so cold. He's detached that I don't know I want him or not if he comes back to me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2013):
it may be over or it may be that you are overwhelming him with your neediness.
there are days my husband and I talk 3 or 4 times when it's a bad day for one of us... and there are days we don't talk even ten minutes and we live in the same house now.
you had plans to move in together in August... that's a few months away... give him space and see what happens.
when my husband and I were LDR there were days we had lots of contact and days where it was almost none... some folks need more contact than others... but he's told you he needs space and wants you to calm down... that means give him space and calm down.... and let him contact you, I doubt you will wait too long but it will feel like forever.
DO NOT contact him with calls and texts. give him some time and space... men need to miss their women to appreciate them.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Hi
You are being needy yes. He is just trying to survive,working and studying, it's what he HAS to do right now. It won't always be like this. Now you have pushed him away by calling constantly, demanding his time and attention.
He needs a breather, time to study and work without you wanting his attention. Its one less pressure for him.
Give him his space, don't call him or text him.Show him you understand his side of things.I know it's hard for you but you need to leave him be for now.
Keep yourself as busy as you can to divert yourself from contacting him.
Let him come to you.
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