A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to know how I get my girlfriend to go back out with me....I started seeing this girl a year ago just after I left my wife, it was the most perfect relationship ever....Never argued about anything, agreed on everything, had great fun, good sex life etc etcShe ended it because she had just broken up with her Ex as well before we went out and she felt it was unfair to him. She went back to him for about 3 weeks and it just finished again. She still keeps in touch with him but that's about it.We then ended up back together for a few weeks in an intimate sense and then she said we need to stay as friends, could not give me a reason why.... Then up until Jan though we still slept in the same bed and were semi-intimate. We were living together (as friends) and we needed to move so we agreed we would get a house to share. She said she wanted to live with me but only as friends so we moved and now have 2 separate rooms....All well and good you may say, lots of people stay friendly but....We may officially live together as friends but we act as if we were a married couple. We tell each other everything we do, we do everything together, she does all my washing, i do all her ironing, we eat together every night, go out for meals together all the time, she rings me 6 / 7 times a day to see how I am and vice versa etc etc ...., go on holiday together...Everything is 100% like a relationship except at the end of the day we get into different beds.I know she is the one I have always wanted and she knows how I feel and says she is sorry.... She says she loves me to bits but not romantically....The only thing I can put it down to is that legally I am still married albeit going through a (messy) divorce....... But I think that might just be wishful thinking....How do I get her back 100%?????Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Hi, I feel bad for your pain but I'm afraid this woman just doesn't love you in the same sense that you love her. My best friend in the world is my ex-boyfriend, we're super close, talk all the time, eat together, work together, go out together - I see him almost every day, but I wouldn't dream of getting into bed with him! I love him like the friend that he is, a wonderful, thoughtful, honest, kind and super great guy. But there's no sexual chemistry whatsoever!I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but the sooner you accept this, the better it will be for you. I feel your pain, I'm going through a breakup right now myself so you have my full sympathies.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): ouch this sound like basically the same situation i am going through...so i feel your confusion and stress...basically the best advice i can give you is to be patient with her...she is abiviously confused...what you need to do is try to stay away from her as much as you can dont pick up all her 6/7 phone calls a day, dont take her out as much as you would, avoid her around the house as much as you can, dont let her do your things arounf the house(cooking,cleaning, washing etc..) be independent..and try to meet new women not to be in a relationship but to have some one else your can chat with other than her...that will give her a sence that she may loose you and she will just be friends and really just loves you as a friend...then the best thing to do is have a real talk with her and move out. goodluck & hope everything turns out for the best!!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 March 2009):
Sorry mate, but I think she means what she says. She does not want you as a boyfriend.
We girls can get incredibly close to a guy and be very intimate and it can mean absolutely nothing.
It's the same as a guy being able to have sex with a girl and it to mean nothing.
It sounds like she is using you as an emotional crutch at the moment. Basically she is using you for everything but the sex.
This is very cruel of her but she probably doesn't even realise she is doing it so don't judge her too much.
You have to move out and move on. If you stay living with her then you will never be able to get over her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Well of course it's because you're still married. You should Admire that about her. She came to her senses and feels guilty!
Things are spoiled for now, and you shouldn't expect more until the divorce is final.
Even so, this is a rocky relationship from the start. Try doing things right (so she admires You and considers You relationship material) instead of backwards.
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A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Well, of course it was the best sex and the best use of tongue ever, four exclamation points. That's why she left you to go have sex with somebody else.
But women will just be lining up for your best sex and best use of tongue ever. You'll have your pick, so why worry?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn reply to Guppypig,
She is definitely not interested in conquest, and we definitely never used each other....
She did not ruin my marriage, my bi*ch of an ex-wife did. She is not out looking for other guys or anything like that...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that... I can only go on what she said about the sex and the intimate side but she said it was some of the best sex and the best use of a tongue ever !!!!
So I don't believe it is that side of it........
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A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (24 March 2009):
This woman is not interested in you. She is interested in a conquest. She has successfully ruined your marriage and is looking for someone else to get her kicks.
But you were using her too, so it's even, right?
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A
female
reader, Anastasiya +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Hello, its a difficult sit. the way it looks to me is that she doesnt realize how much she loves you yet, or she just thinks that she might not be fear enough to you so she just keeps you at the distance for now couse she doesnt want to loose you. I think shes vary confused! she might love you but you should also consider whether she liked the sex or not, because that might be the reason why she doesnt sleep w you or date you officialy-I mean I dont know but thats a possibility! I hope it helpes!Good luck!
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