A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When my boyfriend gets mad he blows things out of proportion and gets angry and runs away and hides. Instead of communicating and talking about it he runs and says he cant take this. If things dont go his way he gets mad. To me he is being very self-centered and thinking about only himself. He has been alone for sometime. He gets very emotional but yet wont discuss it. We are going to talk tonite. how can I let him know that it is his anger and lack of communicating that is hurting us (and me) and not little silly incidents. I want to get the core of what is really the problem and get him to talk. Maybe he gets angry so he can pull away because he is afraid of getting too close and he uses this to protect himself. Any suggestions on how to get him to open up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Hi there
It's good that you're going to talk about this because you have to be able to communicate when things crop up, otherwise they just boil over and cause more damage.
When speaking to him, it's good to open up about how his actions make you feel. For example: "When you get mad and storm off, I feel hurt."
It's also a good idea not to tell him why you think he pulls away.. this might make him defensive. Rather just ask him about an incident that happened and ask him how he was feeling, what it was about and tell him that you'd like to be able to share things so that you can fix the problem instead of turning it into a huge thing.
Listen when he speaks!!! Listening is the most important part of conversation.
It's important to understand that everyone deals with arguments in different ways. One person might want to resolve it right away, another might need time on his/her own to calm down before speaking about it. These are important differences to note in a relationship. If your guy needs time by himself when he's upset/mad, respect it, but then reach a compromise with him. For example: perhaps after a few hours apart, the two of you could discuss things?
Also, don't push him to open up coz that's just going to make him retreat even more! Just share what you're feeling and tell him you're interested to know what goes on in his heart and mind so that you two can better understand each other. Tell him speaking about this issue is important to you!
A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 I'd say a good place to start is to promise no matter what the other person says dont interrupt one another or fly off the handle, make a deal to stay calm and talk like adults or you're never going to get it sorted out, then just basically tell him what you have said here, that him closing off and not communicating with you is really messing you two up, make a point of how important it is that there is honest communication in a relationship, and that he needs to hurry up and let you in before he pushes you away. My ex was like this, and I did finally manage to get him to open up, and then sentence that worked was- by bottling up your just hurting yourself more. And I think that hit him pretty deep, not saying that would work with your fella but its worth a try :) good luck and all the best xangelx
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