A
female
age
36-40,
*izzyb
writes:My ex has recentley popped back into the picture and i really am kinda lost as to what to do. Background- we broke up after a pretty much wonderful relationship of 2.5 years. we're both 21. he was going away for two months with his single friends and i ended up saying stupid things, threatening to break up with him coz i was so worried about him going away. after saying something particularly bad he basically couldn't handle it anymore. he was starting medicine as soon as he got home and he thought he couldn't handle the pressure of a relationship whilst doing such a full on course. Fast forward a few months. I've been moving on. Seeing friends, meeting new people, dating. I've been seeing someone new for a little while. and he's lovely, but it's never felt quite right. Probably coz I don't think I really moved on from Matt, I just wanted to prove that I could.Anyways we met up yesterday for the first time in months. Ofcourse it all came flooding back. I told him I was seeing someone and my ex said that he wished he was him. He told me since we've broken up he has still considered himself unavailable and hasn't really been looking at all because nothing compares. He gave the speil about how he's missed me. he says he still loves me, that he doesn't want it to be over. he's still worried about his workload and how he'd cope with a relationship (he just started med) when he's barely keeping his head above water but it's better to try than to not try at all. he bought me a christmas present while he was overseas (which is this beautiful ring). basically we're meeting up again in two weeks and i have to sort of make a decision by then. it's really stressing me out because i have so many concerns. 1. how can i trust him again after everything. I don't want him to think he can just walk in and out of my life so easily 2. he's barely got time for his friends atm let alone a gf. I don't want to be a burden in his life. 3. if we were to get back together i don't want it to get ruined beyond repair because of stress etc 4. i have this other guy who seems to really like me and I feel awful 5. should you really go back into a relationship with so many doubts? I'm so lost lol. idealy what i would like is for us to be apart for maybe another year, figure our lives out, go travelling, see other people and when we're ready get back together we will but things don't really work that way. I keep thinking he's got such a long way to go, so many years of med and we're both so young. but i do still love him and if I give up this opportunity now i might forever wonder what if?I'm so confused. any advice would be great.
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female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 It sounds like you need more closure from that relationship. I say give it a shot and if things don't work out, then maybe it is time to close that chapter of your life.
It will be very hard to be with a full time med student, and if you require attention and reassurance about your relationship, then maybe this isn't for you. I imagine he will be tired, stressed, and very busy. Before entering a relationship with him I suggest you both sit down and talk about what you both expect to receive from this partnership. Give him full warning that you would want something like a weekly date night, or a goodnight phone call (is this long distance?), or days where you both are not allowed to talk about work or school but only each other. Be up front with him.
Either way, it isn't terribly fair for you to string around this other guy. Don't use him as a back up plan. I suggest you break things off with him as gently, but firmly as possible. Just tell him you are still not over your ex, and that it is really unfair that you be in a relationship with him. I think even if you don't get back with your ex, you still need some alone time to be independent.
Good luck!
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