A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please someone help.My boyfriend and I, who have been together for seven months, aren't as close as we once were. We became a long distance relationship because we both thought the distance was well worth being with the other. We both are in college now and for the past three nights he's been going out from 5 PM to 3 or 4 AM. And no, I do not think he is cheating on me. I am certain he is out with his guy friends, just having a good time.I want that feeling back so bad. That feeling that I AM wanted and he hasn't made me feel very wanted in the past few weeks. And if anything, it's made me feel less loved and not very interesting but he says otherwise. I was thinking about not making myself available everytime I'm not at work or at school, but I feel like if I start to slip away too, that our relationship will crumble, and I don't want that, so I get sucked into staying at home waiting for him. I used to go out until the late hours in the morning too. But for the reason that I feel like he just won't care if I start to go out too a lot. I think it's safe to say that I love him a lot more than he loves me. Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know how to tell. I want to make the relationship equal. I want it to be healthy.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): hey, we have all been there. And yes, long distance relationships do take a toll on us. As long as you think that the relationship is worth all the effort, carry on. As for waiting for him inside all night is plain silly. You see, no man likes to be in charge of someone's happiness. Also, if he is having fun, then so should you. There isn't any point in sitting inside, and brooding over the supposed dynamics of your love equation. I think that going out will help you destress! And a happy mind is a healthy mind. It will keep you from negative thoughts like you are not interesting enough!! Besides, the extra attention and experience will help increase your confidence, and make new friends. Besides, how will you test the strength of your relationship, unless you go out and see if it truly is as 'real' as you thought it to be, huh?You are in college, for god's sake!!! Have a healthy life, full of fun! All this thinking will get you no where.You are young, fabulous and in love!!! Go out and celebrate your life. Guys dig independent, confident women!!! Besides, when he sees how fabulous you are, he will be extra-attracted to you, just so he can keep you all to himself!! And if this doesn't really work out... well, at least you didn't completely abandon your life, did you!!As for who loves who more... well... I have indulged in this kind of thinking a lot and realized that it is pointless... So go out there, party, celebrate life, and stop all this brooding... his absence will matter less when you will be too busy living... okay!!!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 August 2009):
I think that you've already let him know how you feel, then you're right in having to make yourself a little less available to him. If the relationship isn't meant to work out, then it isn't.
I know it's hard to go out and want to have a good time when you know that he is, yet it makes you feel like crap. But just push yourself. There's no sense in staying home and thinking about him being out. I've had to push myself to go out when I felt that way, and in a way, it elevates your confidence. Even if you are thinking about him while you're out, it makes you feel better to know that you put yourself out there and decided to have a good time too.
So yes, make yourself a little less available. It's not really fair that you're giving him your undevided attention, while he goes out and doesn't give it to you. You've already made your feelings aware, now it's time to show it through your actions. Actions speak louder than words. He'll notice that you're not being as attentive as you were before.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Hey there, ok the only thing that comes in my mind is to talk to him. How can he know what your feeling if your keeping things inside of you. What keeps 2 people together in a relationship is honesty, but your not giving it to him. Just tell him how you feel and see where that leads too, Good Luck =]
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