A
male
age
36-40,
*isunderstood1984
writes:Hi Guys, just looking for some common ground on this one.I have been with my girl friend over 5 years and we have had a lot of ups and downs and have two children togeather. Recourring conversation is she is not in love with me and more and wouldnt marry me becasue of this. She always says teh problem is her, how she feels she cant stand the fact of have no sex with anybody else other than me for the rest of her life and how im the perfect boy firend but shge just cant love me as i know to much about her. I love he rto bits and am very much so still in love with her, wish she could see it. Has anybody been in a simialr situation, just looking for soem common ground here Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Yeah that's girl code for her wanting to explore other men and relationships more. This is common for people in their twenties.One of the best ways to get someone back emotionally is to terminate the relationship and be unavailable. I think she's on her way to explore other men if she isn't already, so you may regret not cutting her loose right now. Getting her back is really not that hard, especially since you have kids together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): We probably all have experienced at one time or another in our lives (those of us who are old enough) loving someone who cannot or will not love us in return.
Your girlfriend sounds immature and she is plain out right telling you that she is "using" you. There is no other word for it. I feel sorry the most for your kids, why did you have two children in out of wedlock with this woman? I can see one OOPS, but two? I am afraid there are consequences for your decision to bring children into this world without the bond and the commitment of marriage and now you are seeing the results of that.
I am sorry to say, but You know you cannot make her love you, she isn't the kind of woman who is able to make a commitment. True love is not about feelings, it is a concious decision to be a person worthy of love by putting the needs of our lover above our own, period. Love is active, love produces great feelings, but it is not about your feeling of love for her, it is about her lack of commitment to you and to the family that you have created together.
So, what do you want the answer to be? It seems it is time to cut your losses, claim paternity to the children so that you have "rights", and to move on with your life. You deserve more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): gosh! its so clear that its not working out,, she is an experimental person which is fine and u r very much in love which is fine too... but u both r not meant for each other.. u must let go n move on mister..
i feel sad for u but u must let go off her..
hope u n her find the right people...
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