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female
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anonymous
writes:ive made such a mess of things and Im so depressed about it. I finished with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago because of something so trivial. A couple of days later I realised Id made a mistake and told him I wanted him back. He said he needed time to think about it. A week later he still hadnt given me an answer. He kept saying he didnt know what he wanted. I was so frustrated and desperate to get him back that I made up a lie that another guy had wanted to take me on a date and I was considering it. I hoped that this would push him into getting back with me but instead it completely backfired on me. My ex went mad saying that I had moved on to quickly and that I couldnt of liked him at all if I was already considering dating someone else. Then he just completely ignored my calls and texts and even told me that he was glad I was moving on and he hoped i was happy.Obviously I wasnt happy. In fact I was devastated. So lastnight I sent him a message just saying I still wanted to be with him. He sent one back saying that he couldnt trust me, that he thinks that I used him til someone better come along and thats what he thinks I do - use guys til a better one comes along. How could I tell him that I had made it up about the other guy? I couldnt. I would look like a liar and weirdo. So in my desperation, I messaged him saying that it was him I wanted and that I felt like I was falling for him. Well, that was another bad move because he hasnt replied and now i feel like an idiot telling him I love him when we were only together 2 months.But I just dont know how to get across to him that I want him back. He doensnt believe that I want to be with him. What should I do? On the one hand I keep telling myself to leave it. Ive said it now, its out in the open, the ball is now in his court and its up to him what he wants to do. Or, should I send him another message saying 'OK I know it was a bit weird of me to just blurt out that I love you but I dont know how else to prove that I want to be with you'? But then I dont want to be on his case all the time and have him think that Im stalking him. What do you think? Im in turmoil I just dont know what to do.And the worst thing is is this weekend he leaves to work abroad (iraq - hes in the army) for 6 months and Im desperate to see him before he goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for all your answers. I am in pieces and crying while I write this because I really do feel like Ive fallen him. I know we were only together a couple of months but we had been chatting for about 5 months before we decided to get together. He was all I wanted. I just hate that he wont reply to me. Even if it was to tell me to just get lost I would be ok with that, its just the complete silence from him i cant deal with I hate it. I can honestly say that Ive never felt this low before. I think its because its my fault.
I did send him another message, just to say sorry for being so forward and saying I loved him, and sorry for everthing else. But I didnt tell him the truth about the made-up guy - I didnt see the point as it would just make a bad situation already worse and hes not interested in what Ive got to say so why make it worse?
I cant stop crying. It just feels natural to tell him how I feel but Im just going to leave it now.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 July 2011):
I'm sorry, but I don't think there's anything here that you can work with. You have made some mistakes, and now he's off to Iraq - I don't see any way that this can be fixed, and it's become very clear that he doesn't want anything more to do with you.
By continually texting, you're only making this worse for yourself. You now do seem like you never cared, because you dumped him so easily, then changed your mind, then lied about another guy etc etc. This is just getting worse and worse, an you now have to take a step back and just leave it and move on.
If you have a problem with a relationship, never just dump the person (unless it's serious). It just makes it seem like you can't deal with things. And certainly never, ever tell a man you want that you're thinking about someone else. Never in the history of man has that actually worked.
This time, move on. You can't do anything else, and even if you could, he's not interested at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): I think you should tell him the truth. Tell him you lied about the other guy because u wanted him to get back with you asap. Then tell him you will give him time to think but you would really like to see him before you go. If its only been 2months, i doubt that you love him but make it clear that you feel strongly about him and remind him that you 2 was getting on well before and this all started over a small thing. If he wants you, he will come back and understand why you said what you said about the other guy. Then leave him to have space.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 it sounds like youre playing mind games...leave him alone
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